Jack 19 Months

This kid! I've said many times this month that if given the opportunity, I would totally change his middle name to a one that means joy. He truly lights up our life. A little about Jack...

-he's totally obsessed with my sun hat

-he started addressing us by name when he wants something (mama and dad)

-he has a super special bond with his older younger sister

-loves swinging on our porch swing out back

-said porch swing was also responsible for the facial injuries pictured in another recent post...

-he's totally, completely attached to his binky

-we need to take it away but I just can't yet

-I mean look! totes adorbs

-he LOVES hanging out with friends

-he gets particularly excited when the girls have older kids over

-he participates in their play as best he can (which usually means he runs around in circles yelling and laughing)

-he's talking more and more - so far just individual words and no sentences

-he says thank you when you give him something (I don't recall ever teaching that!)

-and he cheerfully says "nigh nigh" on his own when you get him out of his high chair after dinner, expectantly waiting for you to put him to bed

-he's an awesome, happy sleeper

-and no, I have no magical sleep secrets except to recommend having yourself a Jack. he's awesome 

-he's a busy bee

-always moving around furniture and climbing on it to reach new heights

-he gave up the high chair for a horrible period which you can read about here if you want more details

-he's been helping me in my garden and he thinks those nursery flatbed carts make a pretty swell ride

-he's totally FREAKED of sand and getting dirty

-it's sort of just a little bit hilarious

-he's all boy in so many ways except when it comes to dirt

-GET. IT. OFF.

-it cracks me up

-but he loves water so we FINALLY got him in the lake this weekend but it took nearly 2 hours of easing him in before he let his toes touch the sand

-and then after he needed every grain removed from his feet

-he's a silly and totally awesome kid!

Change a brewing

Morning World!

Just wanted to pop in over here to share a little bit of news with you. I am excited and nervous and totally and completely petrified to announce that I gave my notice at my (paid) job this past weekend! My last day in my position there will be on July 10th. I plan to remain on call and do occasional vacation coverage but for the most part, I'll be home.

This decision was NOT EASY for me but Graham and I have both finally reached a place where we know it's the right move fore our family. As the above picture illustrates, my arms are pretty full at home and I somehow needed to free up more time to be present with my kids and also remember who are am as a woman and what makes me tick. 

I was struck yesterday by how beautiful my life feels right now. You know how when you are in it, you can long for change but not ever recognize change has happened until it whacks you over the head years later? I'm experiencing that head whacking currently. I have gone through so many seasons where things have felt excruciatingly hard and unfair. Seasons of extreme loneliness, of depression, of total and complete exhaustion, just trying to hold it together. I've felt stagnant and stuck, wondering if I was growing in any capacity, debilitated at times by poor self esteem and a lack of confidence. But I've recently embarked on a new season, a season I hope I will lean into hard and celebrate richly. I find myself, surprisingly, on the "other side," realizing hey! Things have changed. I have grown! I longed for a family. Check. We prayed for a house for such a long time. And now check. (And it's beautiful!) I wanted a garden and a yard. And those things have finally happened. The sun is shining, dispersing the 6 year fog that seemed to surround and debilitate me inwardly as I took on the role of motherhood. I now can see that the Lord as been working and what He has been doing is very, very good.

It's fitting, I think, that last night marked my final event in our church's Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) groups. Nearly 6 years ago now, I joined MOPS as a bleary-eyed new mom. Isla was only 4 weeks old and I was on maternity leave and we didn't yet know if I would return to work so we were living off of a tight budget. Graham was working full time and had just begun grad school. I had no idea what I was doing and I remember vacillating over whether or not to join the program because the $125 registration fees nearly broke our bank. But I did it. I don't know WHAT anyone saw in me that crazy, hazy year that was my first year of motherhood. I felt like a total, hormonal mess. Maybe it was just the fact that I kept showing up. At at the year's end, I was approached and asked to lead a table of women at MOPS the following year. I did so and had a wonderful experience and then the next thing I knew, someone was asking me if I would consider joining the steering team and co-coordinating the entire MOPS program. I laugh now looking back as I literally recall asking the person "Is the co-coordinator role a big one?" Ha! 

I had NO idea what I was getting into but now looking back, I can confidently say it was one of the best things I ever did. To this day, I have no idea who recommended me for the role (if you are reading this right now, please out yourself - I'm dying to know!!!) But the takeaway for me has been that someone saw something in me. That is the most incredibly feeling. Ever. This spoke immeasurably to the insecure, depressed and lonely girl that I was.  

 My story illustrates how an invitation like this can be so powerfully impacting and shaping to who we become and what we choose to do in life. The three years I spent as co-coordinator were incredible. The role was challenging and time-consuming (to say the least!) but looking back, it grew me like a weed. Areas of my life that were once stagnant began to take new shape and forward-progress happened again. I was forced to get up on stage and talk in front of 70 people two times a month. WITH a microphone. I was petrified. My kids would tell you of the earfuls they got every week as my captive audience in the car as I practiced my announcements. Yes, internet, I practiced them. But I did it and now I can say the idea of being up in front of people doesn't really even phase me anymore. Well, depending on what I'm talking about. ;) 

I also made some of the most incredible friends while I was on steering. Someone once told me that it is in their thirties when women make their lasting, lifelong friendships. Hearing that in that in the season I was in at the time was just plain painful. I would have given anything for a good friend, let alone friendships plural! But I can truly say that I AM THIRTY AND I HAVE FRIENDS!!! And not just friends, but really, really good friends. Friends who I can be honest with and who ask me about the seemingly minute details of my life.

Now it's time to open a new chapter. It's time to be home more with my kiddos, to scale back elsewhere so I can pour into them wholeheartedly. I've stepped down from my MOPS commitments. Phase one of our home remodel is complete. I've been go-go-going for years like a crazy lady and I'm ready to inhale for a season and take a moment to ponder and pray about what's next. The Lord has been at work, nudging me in new directions, pushing me to step out in faith. It was Thursday evening last week when Graham and I made the final decision that I would be putting in my notice. In his wise way, he reminded me that sometimes we have to take that first scary step and allow God to provide for us. Things are going to be tight financially but I have a strange sense of both peace and terror.

Recently, I have had the opportunity to speak a handful of times in various settings on nutrition and feeding kids. I was a bit startled to discover that speaking is actually something I've come to enjoy (thanks MOPS for sort of forcing me to this realization!) I also totally adore writing and blogging about feeding kids on my food blog. Have I mentioned I have the most amazing husband? He not only is giving me the go ahead to quit my job but has also arranged for me to take Friday mornings to myself to explore this passion.

So, here's to new adventures and stepping out in faith! For now, I am going to focus on being home and being present. I am going to spend a season leaning into my passions and doing things that I love and not feel guilty about it. It's almost as if I can hear God whispering This is your act of bravery right now. Trust me. I don't know what this will mean long term but I feel so blessed to be on this journey and wild times are just around the corner, I'm sure.

Emma 44 Months

Oh man, oh man. This sweet girl KILLS me! She's at that super fun phase where you never quite know what is going to come out of her mouth and she usually comes up with the darndest things. Like the other day for instance when she was sitting at the table working on some artwork....she piped up and out of no where said "This is a picture of me when I'm grown up. And in jail." As you can see it came complete with her dressed in stripes and everything. Yes, baby girl. Make your mama's wildest dreams come true.  

She's a character for sure! She wants to wear dresses and tights every day and when all her tights are in the hamper, she'll concede to pants and a shirt but ONLY IF it's a long-sleeved shirt. On warmer days, she still insists on wearing tights with her dresses. She asks for her hair to be done in a "side bun" on most days and wears her shiniest of shoes out in the garden and tries to convince me they are her "work shoes." She's has her own fashion sense for sure! 

She and Jack and developing quite the bond. They love each other so much and make each other giggle constantly. Sometimes I will look back at them in the car and see that they are holding hands and Emma is almost guaranteed to give him bites of her snack. This month I was hit with a sneak peak into the dynamics of our kids' futures: Emma and Jack tag-teaming to make TROUBLE while their order-loving older sister nearly loses her mind trying to keep them in line. Should be fun!

Emma (and Jack) love going to Safeway for their car carts and Emma likes Trader Joes and the produce stand because of their kid-sized shopping carts. She rarely lets me run any errands (or anywhere for that matter) on my own. This kid hears the keys jingle (from bed, I might add) and screams "Mom! Where are you going!!??" None of my kids really experienced much in the way of separation anxiety so I guessing I had it coming to have a child not want me to leave the house without her. Ever. The funny thing is that she's totally fine with me dropping her off at church or in other settings and this only applies to my leaving the house. For now, I'll just try and be grateful for the 4 gajillion hugs she insists on giving me before she even thinks about letting me walk out the door.

Emma can't wait for school in September. In the meantime, she loves doing pages in her preschool workbook and she's learning to write many of the letters in the alphabet. She spends most of her quiet times reading books, playing board games (with herself) or coloring.

She also loves Costco. What kid doesn't? We got to try our one of those huge orange things and she helped me navigate the aisles using her zoo map. I love her!

Emma is loving her ballet class and I think she has a knack for it. She can't wait to start swim lessons in a few weeks too. It's been really fun and good for both of us to enroll her in something that is JUST HERS. She comes alive! 

Any time the sun comes out, you'll be sure to find her in her bathing suit and armed with a hose. We've been spoiled with a lovely spring for sure, but I'm not convinced it's swimsuit weather just yet. We usually get some funny looks from our neighbors.

She is rocking it on her bike! She can do 3 miles on her own, stopping for dandelions along the way of course.

She may be dreaming of going to jail but I personally think she has medicine in her future. She has a unique interest in blood and shots and wounds and doctors. When I let her pick out a non-fiction book of her choice at the library, she skipped right over the ones about monkeys and butterflies and went straight for the one about blood. You go girl!!

Isla 68 Months

Thank you to everyone who has asked after Isla. I'm happy to report that school is going MUCH better and the last couple weeks she has responded with a resounding "great!" anytime I ask her how school was. I am thrilled that it was as easy as changing her seating assignment and it's nice to have our busy little girl back.

I would say that she is really thriving this month. We've established some new routines and have actually stuck with them so now she is getting herself dressed and making her bed before we are even out of our rooms in the morning. She is even asking to scramble eggs for breakfast. It's amazing what a Morning Routine Chart will do for a rule-following first born!

Ain't she purty?? I took the above picture on a recent mommy daughter date. Right before I launched into a description of what exactly we mean when we say "the birds and the bees." And you think I'm kidding. So, my five year old is now "informed," thanks to the recommendations of a local expert on the topic, Amy Lang. I won't go into the details of our conversation but I do have to share one precious little tidbit. When I told Isla that women have eggs, she immediately cut me off and laughingly said "People don't have eggs. Chickens do!" 

I love spending one on one time with her! The rest of our mommy date included lunch at Starbucks, swinging and playing on the beach at Juanita followed by shopping for beach toys and flip flops at Michael and Walgreens. We had a blast and I think our time together filled both of our tanks.

Isla has been almost as excited about planting our garden as I have. She's been busily helping me fill my pots and water our starts. She's already dreaming aloud about the fruit stand we will set up out front to sell from our bounty. She's an entrepreneur for sure!

A couple weeks back, she and Emma decided to earn money by selling from-scratch lemonade. You can't read the sign in this picture but purchasers had the option of paying $1 or 20 cents - their choice. They sold out in about 30 minutes. Isla was so proud of their work and could hardly stand even a 5 minute lull when her business wasn't booming. The girls proceeded to spend their prophet at Value Village on a couple new toys.

Speaking of toys, Isla definitely loves her stuff! I wouldn't necessarily call her a hoarder but it's borderline. Sometimes I hide things in the bottom of the garbage can (and I'm talking like shards of paper scraps she cut off another project) and she'll discover them and begin WAILING that they weren't trash. Nothing ever is. Included used straws and candy wrappers she finds on the roadside.

After a rather rough season in the obedience department, we've begun implementing some Love and Logic concepts which occasionally involves getting rid of toys as a natural consequence. If you can imagine, this has been quite motivating for my eldest and we've experienced much improved behavior.

We as her parents are finally doing a better job of incorporating reading practice into our daily routine (finally, I know). It's amazing the progress Isla has made even since we began doing this regularly. She is also really loving math and makes up all sorts of equations for fun. We had a blast "tricking" each other with various math problems in the sand (above) on our date awhile back.

Isla LOVES the dentist. She asked daily for the 60 days leading up to her regular check up if today was the day of her dentist appointment. She also tells me just about as often that she has a loose tooth. We found a book at the library about the tooth fairy. She was obsessed with it and requested I take a picture of it's cover and "send it to Costco" so she could bring it to show her dentist. I obliged. 

And boy am I glad I did! You should have seen her glow as the dentist gushed over the picture. You'd think Isla was just awarded an academy award. (Yes, her dentist is awesome). Other news from the appointment: no cavities. And all that chatter about loose teeth? I was embarrassed to learn that the two bottom from ARE actually loose. And here I thought it was just wishful thinking... 

Isla is our ever-busy, ever-social creature and we love her so much!

Phoenix, Offspring Free (the REAL pictures)

I've already shared the deep and personal gushy details of our trip - now for the fun pictures! Admittedly, photo-taking was not the huge focus of our trip. If it were, you would be getting an eyeful of us in our swimwear, basking in the sun by the pool. But we spared you and didn't take a single picture on the real camera of that. The pictures of me would have included a giant box of Kleenex and a stack of cold medications anyway...not really a glamorous sight. I literally could not taste, hear or breathe or smell a darn thing until the 2nd to last day of our trip which was a real bummer. I tried to live vicariously through Graham, as he narrated aloud how good the food we were eating was. My ears were so plugged that I assigned Graham the important job of letting me know if at any point I started raising my voice and yelling. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I sent my drink back the first night, before I really knew what was going on. I mean, it tasted HORRIBLE. I'd tried to be adventurous and try something new and chalked up my dislike to the fact that I must just not be a whiskey girl. When the margarita they replaced it with tasted just as awful, It was then that I realized the problem was me, not the drinks. Whoops.

Like I said, this series of pictures makes it look like we were out and adventuring a lot but in reality, we laid nearly dead by the pool for 4 full days. And it was awesome. We took breaks on occasion to eat but otherwise, books poolside kept us good company. 

  After sniffling and blowing my nose by the pool for 3 straight days, I finally rallied enough gusto to take Graham on a hike. The guidebook boasted that the Echo Canyon Trail up Camelbak would provide some of the best views of the city. At a mere 1.2 miles, how hard could it be?  

 As it turns out, HARD. Like really hard. I'd never been on a hike this vertical in all my life.

 We were literally scaling walls of rocks gripping a metal pole while we pulled ourselves upwards with our arms. It was awesome! And you know what is more fun than hiking up in this fashion? Coming down. I'm totally serious. I LOVED IT!! If there were an extreme sport that involving galloping down rock cliffs using the a bar for support, I'd be all. over. it.

 One of us made it to the top quite chipper and ready to take on the next peak. The other one of us decided he'd had enough hiking for the year. I won't divulge who was who. Oh wait... 

 The views from the top were AMAZING. 

 Unfortunately I think our non-exercise clothing gave away our ill-prepared nature for this hike. You should have seen all the gear everyone else had on - Camelbak water packs, gloves, the whole 9 yards. Sun hats are sporty, right?

 King of the Mountain

 The following day, we headed north toward Sedona to play tourist. We stopped just before town to do some wine tasting. We stopped at three different places, basking on sunny patios while tasting at two of them. Rough life.

Upon arriving in Sedona, we headed up toward the airport to take in the views. I've always wanted to visit the red rocks of Sedona and am pleased to get to check it off my bucket list. The scenery was BEAUTIFUL and our only complaint were the cool temperatures (56 degrees).

The rock formations were so cool and I got a major itch to get my hike on.

We started up the West Fork Trail, a lovely, FLAT hike along a creek. What we saw of it was awesome before we opted to turn back around (someone - I won't mention any names!!! - was not in the mood).

Someday I am going to do the whole hike. Which I guess means I just added to the bucket list I was slowly whittling down....

I will close with this shot, which is jaw-dropping for obvious reasons. I mean, REALLY!? These home owners definitely made a valiant effort to compete with the scenery...

So now I can say I "saw" Sedona but I'm hopeful to one day also say I "hiked" Sedona. What a beautiful place! And what a lovely trip! 

Respite

As I type this, I'm sitting outside on the patio overlooking the pool. The the sun is just beginning to disappear behind the stucco walls of the resort and it's quite balmy out, really. Graham and I have escaped to Phoenix together for some much needed respite and sunshine.

The destination was a bit random - we had airline miles burning holes in our pockets but they were proving themselves quite useless. We'd had them in our possession for three years, but each time we tried to use them, we were met with a blaring error message "there are no flights available to your desired destination." We were beginning to believe every location on every day of the calendar year was a "black out date" for this particular airline. Finally, we got smart. We picked our dates and then literally plugged in every sunny location we could think of. After failed attempt after failed attempt, suddenly Graham exclaimed "It worked! I'm booking it!" We had not yet arranged babysitting but we knew if we walked away from the computer screen for even 3 seconds, the flight match would magically evaporate. So he booked it! And here were are in Phoenix, a mere $22 later (plus the airline miles of course).

The weeks leading up to this trip were horrendous. Aren't they always? If my prior three posts on each of our lovely trio of children didn't enlighten you, let me summarize in brief: THEY HAVE BEEN CHALLENGING! Illness deserves the majority of the blame but free will and stubbornness claim the remainder. Admittedly, Graham and I more or less ran away from the minivan containing our beloveds when it circled the departure area of Seatac. We needed a break and quite honestly, we were pretty sure our kids needed a break from us too. We boarded the plane in hopes that the trip would serve as some sort of a "reset" button for all parties involved.

Both of us had some personal things we needed to work through and the two of us were crying before the plane touched down in Arizona. I pondered this phenomena - the whole-both-of-us-crying-on-the-plane thing. It isn't the first time. In fact, I think we are beginning to make a tradition of it on our kid-less travels, if my memory serves me well. My gut response was something like WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH US but was replaced only moments later by an intense gratitude for the depth that I share with the man I married. We need these times together. Every healthy marriage does. It is during these moments when the distractions (i.e. kids, a remodel, gray weather and work in our case) are stripped away that we begin to peel back the layers and expose the deepest parts of our souls. We reveal hurts and experiences that cut us to the core, big hopes, risks we long to take that feel insurmountable, aspirations. These moments are as lovely as they are hard and each time they occur, I am thankful. 

I wrote, back in January, about my New Year's Resolution of sorts for 2015. Here we are, about to put the cap on April and I question whether I have made any progress in my quest to get to know God for who He really is, a God of love and grace. Per a friend's recommendation, I am studying the book of John as he has been referred to as "the disciple Jesus loved." What better teacher on love than one who claims to have been loved by the Father, right? Before you mentally affix a "super spiritual" stamp across my forehead, let me better define what I mean by the word "study." I mean that I started reading the book of John back in February AND ONLY YESTERDAY CRACKED THE PAGES OF CHAPTER 5. Sooo, yeah, Hold that word "study" very loosely. Even despite my failings at regular Bible reading, I am realizing that my lens on the world is shifting. I am beginning to see more clearly all the ways my misconceptions of God as an iron-hand ruler have permeated my life. Most notably, my twisted viewpoint has misconstrued the way I think God sees me and, in turn, the way I see myself. This faulty outlook impacted the way I approach life, my marriage, and for absolute certain, my parenting. 

Thanks to the recommendation of another friend, we are BOTH (insert happy dance here) reading an amazing book called Loving Our Kids On Purpose by Danny Silk. How this is the first time I have ever heard of the book, I do not know but it has been the perfect read for us! When we left, we were in the thick of it with our kids for sure. This book introduces a total paradigm shift for both of us that couldn't go more hand in hand with my desire to get to know my God as a God of grace. I am absolutely petrified to return home to chaos but am so very, very thankful for a week of quiet, reflection and respite.

Jack turns 1 1/2 (18 Months)

 Aaaaaaaand, suddenly my baby is 1 1/2! How on earth? Graham and I were reminiscing on his little life last night and mutually confessed that we really can't remember much about his babyhood. Was he a good sleeper? Uhhh....yes? I guess since it didn't make a lasting memorable negative impression than probably? And that right there is why I record these sorts of things on this blog!

His actual half birthday felt a little half-hearted but maybe that is fitting? Graham and I had a flight to catch that afternoon but we made a family trip to Starbucks in the morning sort of in his honor (also, we were out of coffee) and treated him to a bagel.

I did actually have the forethought to pick him up a little gift ahead of time which he opened upon returning home.

 Another pack of train tracks for his Ikea train set! He promptly declared the train tunnel a "hat" and used it as such:

Other happenings this month?

He had his first REAL haircut (read: I paid someone to NOT butcher it like I did the time previous. Here is before: 

And after! Such a little man now!

He had a rather rough month physically and spent most of it being held by mom as he suffered from the cranks with cold after cold after cold. It was just icing on the cake when I hit him in the face with a scooter and gave him a black eye for Easter. He still rocked it in his little suit thought! I PROMISE it was an accident!

He burned the midnight oil (quite literally) for a bit there, dancing in our bathroom at ungodly hours while we tried to sleep.

But there were also a few precious moments when he would give in to sleep while I was holding him and it was HEAVEN!

Two of his top molars managed to cut through, unbeknownst to us, and now it looks like his incisors are on their way too. Maybe that explains his sudden rejection of mealtimes? He's been throwing himself backwards and arching and refusing to get in his booster seat and opted out of dinner probably 5 out of 7 nights for a couple weeks there. Except when pasta was on the menu. Man oh man do we have another pasta lover! It's Crozier tradition I guess.

We are praying for a better month next month!