My "labor" actually started a couple weeks before Jack's arrival. Those are weeks that I care never to repeat. They were exhausting physically (I literally was not sleeping at night), emotionally draining and more or less left me feeling incredibly sheepish with maybe a touch of crazy. HOLY HORMONES! I don't know if my body was fighting this birth but even after hundreds upon hundreds of contractions, I absolutely would not dilate. In the end we had a total of four false alarm visits to triage. Yes FOUR. It wasn't until trip number five when they literally forced my body into labor that we finally got to leave the hospital with a baby. I'm pretty sure Mr. Jack would have stayed resident another 10 days had we not intervened.
In retrospect, I wish I would have had someone move in with me the week before my due date to be the "on call" babysitter available at a moments notice. I think finding childcare was the most stressful part of the whole thing for me, particularly with all the false alarms. We had a lot of willing bodies but we never knew when to call and ask them to report for duty. Because Emma's birth had been so fast and furious and went from 0-60 in less than two hours, I was on the alert and felt I needed have someone come be with the girls early in case this birth was similar but then everything would die down and I'd feel like an idiot when we'd call 2 hours later to say "nevermind."
Our 4th and final false alarm in triage happened on Saturday, the night before my scheduled induction. I'd been hoping and praying all day that labor would start on its own. Finally come late afternoon, I just had it out with God, begging Him to grant me the desires of my heart and bring on the baby! Not more than an hour later, wouldn't you know it, the contractions came on, hard and strongest yet. I was thrilled and actually felt feelings of glee as they grew more painful - hooray! No pain, no gain, right? Maybe I'd get to experience a natural birth after all! We had the Welchs come and get the girls and then Graham, rightfully so, was a bit skeptical so took me on a walk around the block to make sure I was still in plenty of pain. I had to ask him to slow down after only one loop - things were looking good! I told him I was pretty sure this was it and so we took off for the hospital. En route, things started to slow again. We'd already called the floor to tell them we were coming but instead decided to walk the hospital grounds to see if things picked back up. I was angry so began towing Graham up stairs, hills and tore down the halls trying to bring on as much pain as possible. The contractions returned and were averaging 4 minutes apart after a good 40 minutes of walking (and by this time I'd been having painful contractions for nearly 4 hours) so we made our way to triage. I was literally petrified. I absolutely did not think I could handle being turned away again and was feeling so out of control. It didn't take long for the hospitalist to come in and check me. Of course the moment I laid on that bed, the contractions stopped. I think by this point, the hospital had become such a point of stress for me that there was no way I'd ever be able to relax enough to dilate. Sure enough, the doctor measured me at a 3 1/2 (actually back-tracking from my appointment the day before) and then announced it wasn't time.
I really don't know how I held myself together as I got dressed and made my way out of that room. By this time, I was about 100 hours sleep deprived and so totally weary. I sobbed the whole way home and made Graham pick up the girls as I couldn't handle seeing anyone. I went home and scooped up a bowl of ice cream and popped an Ambien (nurse's orders) and he called my mom and asked her to come down. Knowing she was there provided a huge sense of relief for me, as it meant someone would be in our house overnight and available to care for the girls should anything happen.
Our night was uneventful and I woke up actually feeling fairly refreshed (minus the puffy crying eyes from the night before - poor choice for birth day pictures!!) I had been told to call the hospital at 6 AM to make sure they had the staff needed for my 7 AM induction. Wouldn't you know it, they told me they didn't and that I'd likely have to wait until later on in the day. Somehow I was able to take it in stride and had some good quiet time before they called back to tell me they could squeeze me in after all. We packed up our last things quickly, afraid they would suddenly fill their rooms and have to turn me away.
We arrived just after 7 AM and they had me hooked up to an IV in no time. Because of my history with Emma, my doctor decided to pull out the "big guns" and use the antibiotic ancef (which covers more strains of bacteria) instead of the traditional penicillin used to treat group B strep. He told me we'd wait until 9:30 AM to start the pitocin to ensure 4 hours of antibiotic coverage in case things happened quickly. Once the pitocin was running, it took about an hour for me to start having contractions but they weren't at all painful so Graham and I had a rather enjoyable morning together. I was feeling really guilty because I was able to read 2/3 of my book while hanging out there (should that be possible when in labor?) We even streamed the 11 AM service at Bethany! Every half hour or so, my nurse came in to turn up the pitocin. Finally at 1 PM, after 3 1/2 hours of pitocin, my doctor came in to check me and break my water. I was only at 4.5 cm so things were not moving very quickly. My contractions were even slowing down at that point, despite the cranked pitocin. (See what I mean!? I would have stayed pregnant forever I'm sure!) I was so scared that somehow they would find reason to send me home again. Until he broke my water that is. Then I knew I was really, finally, truly going to have a baby!!
It didn't take long for things to start picking up. I had been surfing Facebook, watching random videos but pretty soon I had to set my phone down so I knew things were getting serious. I practiced deep breathing, counting each breath as the contractions came and went. I'd usually get to 7 and know I was in the clear. My nurse asked if I wanted to sit in the rocking chair and initially I thought she was crazy but then I figured I'd give it a shot. She put pillows on the chair and a stool under my feet and it actually was really helpful to be able to rock through the contractions. She told me I could just rock the baby out. Ha! Graham massaged my hands for a while until I needed them to grip the arms of the rocker.
I REALLY wanted to have a natural birth this time around but had committed to staying open minded as I knew the whole induction/pitocin thing was going to make labor a lot worse and throw a wrench in my plans. It was at this point in the rocker that I started pondering drugs. My first line of defense was supposed to be an IV narcotic but I found my mind jumping straight to the idea of an epidural as I was sure things were progressing really slowly and I didn't know how much more I could take. Around 2:15 PM, I asked Graham how much longer he thought I had and he estimated 3 hours. I could have killed him! I knew I couldn't make it that long. But I also knew how badly I wanted to do this so I gritted my teeth and counted my breaths and decided I would make it until 3 PM when they were going to next check me.
Come 2:45 PM, I decided I'd better climb back into bed. I don't know what it was but I think something in me knew that if I didn't, I'd be delivering a baby in the rocker. Right before changing locations, my nurse asked if I wanted some ice or a popsicle. Um really? It felt like such an odd and untimely question so I'm pretty sure I gave her a rather curt "no!" Once in bed, she told me if I started to feel any sort of pressure, to let her know right away. Very shortly thereafter, I started to feel some twinges of pressure. I almost said something but stopped myself, knowing the urge to push is obvious when it comes. Apparently something changed on the contraction monitor though because she was in the room in seconds to check my cervix. She declared me at an 8 and I was thrilled! By this point though, I was laying on my side, gripping the bed rail for dear life, eyes closed, breathing hard and I'm pretty sure I was moaning too. Graham tried to warn my nurse that I go from 8 to 10 in mere minutes but she seemed to be in no hurry. Then all of a sudden it hit. That urge! I told her that I needed to push and immediately the room became a crazy scene of hustling and bustling. She told me it was ok for me to give a small push (apparently my cervix needed to dilate a titch more) so I did. Then I couldn't hold back and I just started pushing. I don't even think there was anyone at the bedside so no one really knew what was happening until Graham alerted them "Umm, the head's right there!"
3:04 PM. Somehow my doctor made it in time. How I don't know because I think I only pushed for 4 minutes tops. The head came out easily and the shoulders took a couple pushes and then done, all while still on my side, clutching that bed rail! Of course baby also came out on it's side, conveniently hiding it's privates from view. No one said anything so finally I called out "WHAT IS IT!!?" and the staff had Graham do the honors of peaking.
"It's a BOY!!!" I'm pretty sure I started shrieking with excitement and relief and every other emotion imaginable. The team asked if I wanted him on my chest and with no hesitation I responded "YES!" Words cannot describe how I was feeling in that moment. I wish I could relive it over and over. The shock. The awe. The pride. The love. The incredible realization that I DID IT. 100% naturally. I brought a human being into the world. In a matter of mere seconds, the strain and stress of the week leading up to the delivery vanished and all I could think about was my healthy, beautiful son. A boy! I did it!
There is something so empowering about giving birth. I don't think I have ever felt more capable than I did in that moment. I held my sweet baby skin to skin and kissed him and soaked in every second as the sun burst through the windows outside and Graham stood by my side, tears in his eyes. What a gift new life is!
I feel overwhelmed and touched and so very very blessed by this precious bundle who has changed my life for the better already. I am amazed and in awe. Thank you Jesus.
.JPG)
