Some reflections

I have been trying really hard to look on the bright side. We received "the letter" at the end of last month stating Graham did not make it into the grad school program at UW. It's taken me a while to blog about it and share the news with many people because we've both had a bit of a hard time with it. I'm not sure how it would have worked but our perfect plan was for Graham to begin school this summer, somehow have the baby between summer and fall quarter (!!!???) and then live frugally and push through for 3 years until he completed the program. At that point, he would look for a higher paying job so we could afford a house, sell our place and move closer to church where we could have more yard and a garden.

But, as is usually the case, apparently our plan was not God's plan. Of course there was a mix of emotions when we read the news: tears, relief, disappointment, confusion, rejection. I think the hardest part for Graham was swallowing the rejection piece although the program was super competitive and maybe only 5% of applicants got in (I am super proud of him and think he submitted a stellar application!) We found ourselves wondering if God was trying to beat it into our heads that this really isn't what He has for us since the answer was also no last year when Graham applied for Seattle U. Or, whether He's just trying to tell us that the timing still isn't right but to keep grad school on the back burner for the future.

To help me work through the disappointment that has arisen, I've come up with a running list of things that I am grateful for. I am thankful that:

-We now have a more clear answer of what at least the next 5 months will look like for us.
-Graham will have time to enjoying being a dad come fall without the guilt that would come along with balancing work, family, school and homework.
-I will not be forced to work to make ends meet for tuition payments.
-We will be able to easily take mid-week 3 day trips with Graham's great work schedule and me not working (lots more family time!)
-Graham will have time to continue to use his musical talents leading worship at church.
-We will get to enjoy the summer together as we prep for baby (UW's program would have started June 22nd).
-All the $$$ we've been saving for a down payment on a house won't have to go towards school.

We were very blessed on Sunday to hear our pastor preach about seeking out and following God's will rather than trying to fit God into our own will. We certainly weren't intentionally doing the latter but it was a refreshing reminder to forget ourselves and surrender to Christ's agenda for our lives. There certainly is a lot of comfort in that, knowing that we will be cared for and that whatever is ahead will be better for us in the long run. But along with the comfort comes fear of the unknown, not knowing quite where God will lead us next.

Phew, there's a bit on what we've been thinking and praying about lately. We're thankful for what God is teaching us and how we're growing in the process!