I had the most amazing aha moment last week. Any of you who know my sweet Isla Pie are probably going to totally laugh at me. My husband sure did. He couldn't believe it took me this long to realize that MY ELDEST IS AN EXTROVERT. Say WHAT?!? I know. Mind. Blown.
No seriously. I had like no idea. Maybe I just thought is was too early to make the call. Or maybe it was that she and I are similar in so many ways that it never crossed my mind that we could have this vastly opposite personality trait. But when it finally dawned on me, it made so much sense. I was almost giddy with relief as the pieces clicked together in my head. Thoughts like OH MY GOSH I GET IT NOW run through mind every 3 seconds or so since this life-altering revelation.
I adore this child. Like really adore her. She's the sweetest and most thoughtful human who has ever walked the planet. You have Christmas wishes? Send her your list. She will do everything in her power to gather her pennies to buy every last item you requested. She is always wanting to sell things. Anybody's things, just to make a dime. And you can bet your bottom dollar she'll drag me curbside along with her to sell her wares. The other day she said told me she wanted to be a runner. Feeling a great sense of pride in passing on such a lovely and healthy aspiration along to my child, I told her that was a great idea. Then she proceeded to ask me how she could earn money by running. Ha.
Anyway, she's amazing is so many ways and definitely the kind of friend you dream of your kid having. She started 1st grade this year which means full days every day all year long. I was bracing myself for the post-school, I've-been-around-too-many-people-all-day overstimulated meltdowns. To my surprise though, she typically bolts from her classroom, attempting to spot a couple last friends she can yell goodbye to and then arrives home cheerfully asking "Who can we invite over now!?" I, on the other hand am TOTALLY WIPED that I think I might die after having just spent a whole 9 minutes smiling and attempting small talk with acquaintances and fellow parents in the schoolyard (read: checking my phone and pretending to be, very, very busy). I mean, it's so exhausting. And she wants MORE PEOPLE?
I love her so much but sometimes, she drains me dry. That feels so terrible to say. Which is why I have spent a lot of time feeling like a fairly horrible person for finding my child so thoroughly exhausting. But my aha moment last week is beginning to liberate me. Or at least help me understand the reasoning behind my feelings so I can move forward. I owe all the credit to the amazing book I just finished: For the Love by Jen Hatmaker. If you are breathing and are a female, GET IT. My dear friend gave it to me as a thank you gift for her baby shower (how cool is that - I got a gift for throwing a party!) and it. is. awesome. I finished it almost immediately and plan to start right back over at the beginning and read it again. It's the perfect read for us fear-filled, doubting, second-guessing women and mamas who need a heavy dose of GRACE to realize we really are doing ok.
Anyway, in one of the chapters, Jen talks about how incredibly helpful it can be to identify whether our children are introverts or extroverts so we can adjust our parenting. She, like me, is an introvert and so finds it rather easy to relate to her introverted kids. But she writes "I sometimes struggle parenting my extroverts, because their constant interaction and movement is so encompassing. We recharge differently - they need more of everything and I need less of everything. This personality gap can be so defeating, because I feel like not enough and make my kids feels like too much. When I lock down from NCF (Needy Child Fatigue), we all lose." She explains further that "No mother should cater to an extroverted kid 24/7, but no child should feel like a burden." Wow. HELLO! This hit home.
She talks about the need for us introverts to meet somewhere in the middle with our extroverts. "The sensory seekers can learn restraint, and the overstimulated mama can dig deeper." She writes "It also helped to explain my introverted side to the kids. Although my live-wire children don't share my non-talky book-reading needs, as with anything, they can better respect what they understand. It is good to say: This isn't anything you do wrong at all. It's just the way Mom fills back up."
Gulp. I couldn't have said it better and I plan to have that last part tattooed across my forehead or at least written on the wall across her doorway. I want Isla (and any of my children with extroverted tendencies) to remember it isn't them when they see me walking backwards toward my bedroom haven with an overwhelmed-looking expression a book in hand. I have a steep learning curve ahead, figuring how to meet in the middle with my extrovert, but I'm SO GRATEFUL for this aha, life changing realization.
o
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