Reflections from a Working Mom

So it is official. I am back to work! With 2 shifts under my belt, I'm feeling pretty good although there have also been moments each day where I feel like I survived a hurricane. This post has been a long time in coming. I have intentionally not discussed work on this very public space for a number of reasons. But now that I am transitioning back, there are a few things I will share with the inquiring minds that have been asking.

I'll be honest. This transition has not been easy. I never thought I'd be a working mom. I know, I know. There's probably a lot of people out there thinking "Three days of work in 2 weeks time? Can you really call that work!?" And trust me, I know I have it pretty easy compared to a lot of people. But needless to say, it is not what I ever pictured for myself. If you would have asked me when I was younger what I wanted to be when I grew up, I probably would have told you two things: 1) A mom and 2) A pastor's wife. Ha ha (the latter was probably because I had a crush on a boy who wanted to be a pastor...really, I just wanted to be a mom and wife). Guess that just goes to show that I'm a huge family person. So when Miss Isla June rocked our world at the close of summer, I embarked into the career of motherhood. And I love it! I think it was hard for me to fathom working even part time because my mom never did. She was always home. She homeschooled us up through middle school. She was very involved in our lives. I didn't have anyone model how to be a good mom AND work outside the home so the whole idea sounded scary and foreign. Of course I was also guilt-ridden about the idea. I knew I'd feel guilty if I left Isla, guilty that I wasn't being a good mom. But I also knew I'd feel guilty ever spending money on "fun" stuff if I didn't help bring some in. **For the record, Graham  never, ever made me feel guilty about staying home. He was very supportive of whatever I decided. I created the guilty feelings.**

Anyway, so I agonized over this decision for pretty much my entire maternity leave. We prayed about it constantly. In the end, the door was thrown wide open for me when my employer offered me the EXACT part time schedule that I requested (thanks to the strong support and flexibility of my team of dietitians!) Grandparents and family members volunteered to watch Isla. My income would pay for Graham's grad school, no loans required. I prayed really hard that God would make the decision clear to me. That He'd hit me over the head with something unmistakably obvious that would confirm whether I should indeed return to work. It didn't seem like He was being very clear. But as I reflect on all of this, I see that He totally was and I feel so blessed.

It's been a good week. I thought I'd spend most of it in tears. I received an overwhelming welcome back at work. I don't think I have received that many hugs in two days ever before! My coworkers were geniunely happy to have me back and they told me so. Isla smiled at me when I got home which was the reminder I needed that she's okay, happy and safe. I think this is going to be good for both of us, as much as it wasn't what I had planned. I am so thankful that God is in control and that He is providing for us emotionally and financially as we make this transition and enter the New Year.