Emma: 4 Weeks

Emma is doing great if I do say so myself! I had to start packing up the few newborn clothes I have yesterday as she's already outgrown them--boy that was short lived!

She continues to take a bottle every couple of days or so and seems to be getting the hang of it (sort of). She dribbles lots of milk still but is remembering to breathe now while eating. We have been giving her the bottle COLD, straight from the fridge, because one of my regrets with Isla was spoiling her with warm milk. It's so much easier to feed it cold, especially when you are out and about and have no where to heat it up!

I left Emma for the first time (other than a quick trip to Fred Meyer) on Wednesday night for 4 1/2 hours!! I got to sneak away to a girls night out for a friend's birthday and it was so lovely. Graham had a buddy over who helped with holding Emma while he put Isla to bed but reported that the night went great! Emma took 3 bottles in 4 1/2 hours...

Despite the bottle consumption reported about, it seems like Emma is no longer cluster feeding quite as much in the evening.

Emma has joined me on 3 runs so far this week (I'm back on my couch to 5 K plan) and so far is falling asleep in the stroller.

My sleep report is mixed: we had a couple nights where she was up quite frequently and then another night where she was wide awake from 3-5:30 AM. But then we've also had some nights where she stays up late but then only wakes up once between midnight and 7 AM. I've started trying to do somewhat of an eat, "play," sleep cycle during the day to get her to be awake more. I'm very hopeful we will soon have a good sleeper on our hands!

But on that topic, she is a LOUD sleeper, just like Isla! She grunts and groans and makes goat/sheep sounds when she is first laid down for the night or after a feeding. I'm starting to wonder if she has some reflux because sometimes it sounds like she's really in pain. So far she is still in our room but we'll see how long that lasts...We are still trying to get a good video/audio of the sounds she makes but here's a little intro. Honestly, her eyes are totally closed throughout this!

I had to tie her cradle so it no longer rocks because she was moving and spinning so much in bed that she'd get herself off-center and would tip it and get herself wedged up against the spindles.

Just like clockwork, Emma's baby acne arrived this week, just in time for the shower my sister and friend Rachel threw for us this weekend. The shower was perfect, complete with a hair-clip-making station for her head-o-hair. Emma is going to be the best-dressed girl on the block!

Isla 25 Months

Isla is adjusting to being a big sister better than I could have ever imagined! There were a couple rough days when we finally came home from our 2nd hospital stay (after more or less abandoning her for 12 days....) She was royally treated by her grandparents while we were "away" and so I think was a little shell-shocked when all was said and done and she had to share the spotlight. But she has does great ever since and LOVES her sister. She usually says "Hi Emma!" or "Hi Little Sister!" with great enthusiasm when she sees her and often asks if Emma can join us in play. She has also proven herself quite helpful in fetching burp cloths or binkies. If Emma is crying, Isla is quick to tell her "It's ok Emma."

The other day I called downstairs to get Graham's attention. Seconds later, Isla walked to the stairway and yelled "Hey Babe!" just as she'd seen modeled. :)

Isla definitely is watching our every move. The other day she slung her purse over her shoulder and told me she was "going to work." She came over and kissed me goodbye and then went into the bathroom and shut the door. She emerged moments later claiming that she was "home from work" and immediately came over to greet me with a kiss. I told Graham that we must be doing something right if she knows a kiss hello and goodbye to be a necessary part of the coming/leaving process! When I asked her what she did for work, she said she was a teacher and that she taught kids about fish.

If you ask Isla how old she is, she will tell you "2 months." 

Isla has started incorporating music into her going to sleep routine. If I am putting her to bed and Graham is home, she always asks for Daddy to "sing Isla song." Now she's taking it as far as to specify what instrument she wants him to accompany her with (guitar, "little guitar"--i.e. ukulele).

Isla's bedtime has moved to somewhere between 7 and 8 PM. She usually is the first to point out that "it is getting really dark" and that seems to make her more willing to go to bed.

I'm pretty sure Isla can count to about 14 or 16 now, plus or minus a few.

We took Isla to the Aquarium for the first time this month. She loved all the fish and sea life!

Isla LOVES all the new kitchen toys and fake food she got for her birthday. She loves it when I spread out a blanket on the living room floor so we can have a "picnic" with all her dishware.

Isla also really enjoys reading. Sometimes she'll sneak away upstairs and it'll get really quiet. When I come to check on her, she's usually rocking away in her rocking chair, reading to herself.

The girl has developed a strange obsession with fire. She randomly started asking to pray for inanimate objects like the moon. It wasn't until she started praying for fire that we got a little worried. Don't know what it's all about. All I know is that she wants a BIG fire!

Every once in a while, we see this little dramatic side of Isla. I so hope to catch it on video but she does this thing where she'll ask for something once, then immediately switch into this hushed voiced and through fishy lips quietly say "Isla want more _____" while nodding her head profusely. It is impossible to describe but is HILARIOUS and makes me laugh every time. I have no idea where she got it.

Isla is really, really smart. And she knows it. I'm super proud of her and often underestimate how much she can comprehend. I think she more or less can understand everything we say. And she can talk like nobody's business. I adore this child!

Last days of Summer!

 Summer in Seattle, we sadly bid you adieu! The sun returned to Seattle yesterday today and our little family is trying to soak up every last drop before it disappears again until next year. Today we ventured out to Houghton Beach Park in Kirkland for a picnic lunch, some time at the playground and a quick dip for Isla and Graham. As if one picnic weren't enough, Graham's busy making a fried chicken dinner to take to-go to some other yet-to-be-decided outdoor location.

 I think the sun is supposed to stick around until at least tomorrow but then we will do our best to have a good attitude about welcoming fall on Friday!

Emma: 3 Weeks

We introduced Emma to the bottle last Thursday, at 2 1/2 weeks of age. I am majorly craving a date night and since she nurses like a champ, we figured we'd go ahead and give her a bottle to make sure we didn't miss "the window" where she would take it. For some reason I could only find a medium flow nipple so she had major pacing issues and practically drowned at first--poor girl! Graham had to take the bottle out every few sucks because she wouldn't breathe if he didn't. Finally I located a slow flow nipple and she did better but we'll just say it isn't her strongest skill just yet. She's getting better with subsequent bottles though! I have a great milk supply and so am hoping to get into a pumping routine so we can make bottles at least an every other day part of our schedule.

The night before last, Emma stayed up until about midnight but then once she finally went down, she slept until 5:10 AM and then didn't wake again until 8 something! I'm hoping that starting with a bigger baby will result in better sleep habits earlier on but then last night was horrible so I'm not counting on it!

Graham's cousin Stew brought this lovely number from Korea for Emma. WHAT is THAT? (Doesn't her look just say it all?) Why, it's a Mashimaro of course! She seriously couldn't take her eyes off it. :)

Emma has really taken to the binky which is sort of a relief for me. As much as they are a pain to get rid of later on, at least we can get rid of them (unlike the thumb...)

Emma had her first visit at Children's Hospital this past Friday. We met with a cranial facial pediatrician and a plastic surgeon to have the skin tag in her nose evaluated. They are calling it a cleft nose although it appears very minor. We will take her back for a CT scan at 6 months of age to make sure none of the bones in her face are affected--the doctors are highly doubtful this will be the case. Then they will plan to just follow how her nose grows from there and determine when/if they will do corrective surgery to remove the little polyp and even out her nares if one is slightly higher than the other. Likely it will happen before she enters elementary school.

She is really starting to look around and engage with those around her now. She coos at me when she is quite alert--I just love that!

Isla loves her little sister and often asks for Emma to play with her. Isla had been sick ever since the day after we got home from the hospital and so we'd been trying to keep the 2 apart. Her nose finally stopped running so when she asked to hold her today, I happily obliged.

Emma: 2 Weeks (9/13/11)

Emma definitely holds the bragging rights that her first 2 weeks of life were more exciting than most!

At her first pediatrician appointment (at 10 days of age), she weighed 9 pounds, 7.5 ounces so was basically back to birth weight. Her weight has been all over the place with all the IV fluids and poor feeding when she was at her sickest but overall she's doing well.

She has a very strong neck and more or less holds it up on her own already. Often I will try to lay her on my chest and she'll pull her head up and crank it to the side, causing her to roll off my chest and flip to her back in the crook of my arm. I really think she does it on purpose because when I return her to my chest, she immediately pulls off again.

Sleep has been quite wild. I am already noticing some pattern now that we seemed to have conquered her day and night confusion. Emma is pretty hard to get down for the night as she wakes up the instant you set her in her bed. Her most awake hours seem to be between 9 and midnight so we sort of have to take turns hanging out with her until she finally falls asleep. Thankfully Graham is a night owl so I've handed her off to him on a couple of occasions and leave them to snuggle and watch movies while I hit the sack. Once she finally goes to sleep, I usually get a 3-4 hour stretch right off the bat. I feed her on both sides and lay her back down and usually she falls asleep but it's like she goes into light sleep mode. She starts getting really loud and grunty and I have a hard time sleeping through it. She usually wants to eat again in 2 hours but only on one side. I'll lay her back down afterward and she'll sleep for a half hour or hour and then want to eat on the other side. We seem to do 1/2 feedings every half hour to hour for the rest of the night which definitely isn't my favorite. We're working on it!

Emma really likes being on her tummy. There have been times where we lay her down for tummy time and she instantly goes to sleep. I really do think if we laid her on her tummy she'd sleep better and deeper but that's a no-go with SIDS risk so we are just going to grin and bare it until it can't be prevented whe she is able to toll to her tummy on her own.

I have opted to swaddle Emma with her arms out from the get go. At the hospital, she was sleeping with her arms up over her head so I didn't want to take them away from her. Now she lays with them by her sides and doesn't seem to need them wrapped so I figure it'll make the swaddle easier to break later on!

We ended up letting Emma have the binky when we were readmitted to the hospital. She sometimes takes it when she is really worked up or hungry but isn't very good at keeping it in her mouth just yet. It basically covers half her face so is quite the crack up visually at this point.

At our pediatrician appointment, our doctor reminded us that evening fussiness should be right around the corner. It's like she jinxed us because that night it started. It's nothing bad or major but Emma does not want to be put down at night and would prefer to eat constantly. I think I've been feeding her more or less every hour for 3 or 4 hours in a row and she acts starving every time. One of the feeds the other night was a 4 oz bottle so volume certainly isn't the problem! I tried putting her in the Moby wrap while going about Isla's bedtime routine to make sure I could do it on my own once Graham goes back to work. It seemed to make her happy so hopefully it'll be manageable.

The Birth Story

Graham tells me this post needs a preface. Folks, this post is ridiculously long. But I just wanted to document everything! It isn't very graphic but consider yourself warned! And maybe go grab a snack and a cup of coffee in case you need to be refueled partway through....

The last few weeks of my pregnancy were really, really hard. I had drafted the beginnings of a post to summarize my thoughts and how I was feeling but never published it because it felt so negative. But I will include it now because it is all a part of "the story."

Written 8/28/11:
"This post is not going to be glamorous and it probably is not going to be very uplifting. I am just needing a space to vent and process the thoughts whirling in my head.

Man oh man has it been a rough few weeks over here. And for no specific or earth-shattering reasons in particular either. I blame hormones! It is nuts what they control! Beyond the obvious emotional impact, they have been wreaking havoc on the rest of my body in the form of bloody noses and bleeding gums. I can tell they are streaming through my veins at full force!

I have to be honest and admit this pregnancy has taken a toll on me and I am so ready to be done. I told Graham over breakfast this morning: "You know how they say that some people just have this amazing glow when they are pregnant? And they just do pregnancy so well? Well, I realized that I am NOT one of them!" He very sweetly reassured me that he's pretty sure when people talk about the "pregnancy glow," they aren't talking about women in their 40th week of pregnancy. It just isn't the most wonderful of times and that's the truth of the matter."

That's as far as I got. But I'll add a bit more that I'm sure would have made it in the post had I ever sat down and completed it. The month of August was near torture for me. I felt baby (I have to refer to her as "baby" rather than "Emma" when I think about my pregnancy because I still can't wrap my mind around the fact that they are one and the same!) drop early in the month which wreaked total havoc on my already-sensitive digestive system. I felt bigger than a whale, had very few shirts left that didn't leave belly hanging out, and was feeling like a horrible mother because I was just too dang tired and huge to get down on the floor and play with Isla for any length of time. I was over the recommended weight gain goal for a healthy pregnancy and I was feeling super sensitive and guilty about it and just wanted to be DONE!

I had my last scheduled OB visit on Monday, August 29th, 2 days before my due date. Earlier in the pregnancy, when I was making all my appointments, I refused to make a 41 week appointment because I did NOT think I would need it and my doctor said he was ok with that. Graham had technically started his paternity leave on August 25th because we were totally expecting an early baby (I will NOT make that mistake again--I set myself up for major disappointment). But when August 26th rolled around and we still had no baby, Graham started calling into work on a day-to-day basis to get added back onto the schedule. Of course he had to work during my appointment so I went in armed with a list of questions to prepare us for how my doctor manages the end of pregnancy (since we never really had done this before with Isla arriving 2 weeks early). I left my appointment that morning with my name on the books and paperwork in hand for an induction on Friday--totally not what I had planned!! I called Graham and immediately burst into tears. Friday would be September 2nd, and I'd only be 2 days late if we went with the ultrasound due date. What would I tell people? Certainly they would question me and wonder why on earth I was being induced so soon after my due date.
 
My doctor had checked me and said I was at a "generous 3 1/2 cm" and again said I was "so ready" he wasn't sure why I wasn't in labor at that exact moment. While he was checking me, he did a quick loosening of the membranes. I didn't ask him to and he didn't tell me he was going to do it until he was in process. It sort of cracked me up because some people would have a total cow about that kind of thing but I didn't care. I honestly think he knew it was all it would take to get things started.
 
But back to the induction thing. I merely asked the question of when he typically starts thinking of inducing and then he quickly jumped to talking about how I was "very inducible" given my current state and then mentioned possible dates and told me to get dressed and then he'd come back with his calendar. Ahhhhh! My heart started skipping beats and I was freaking out and thinking "Wait! That's not what I meant! Or at least, I don't think it was. Ahhh! I don't know what I think. I just want to do what's best for the baby."  After I got dressed, the nurse came in with a slip of paper and told me I was on the schedule to be induced on Friday. Whoa. Just like that? She also proceeded to say that my doctor told her I definitely wasn't going to need it (because he just knew my delivery was imminent), but that they'd just schedule it anyway since I didn't have another office visit on the books. I think that's why he didn't spend more time discussing it with me-he knew it would be a moot point.
 
Anyhow, I left the appointment feeling slightly put off (even though I love my doctor) and totally overwhelmed and unsure. My doctor had estimated my actual due date (given my cycle length) to be more like August 28th which would make me closer to a week overdue come September 2nd. He also said that this baby was "bigger than Isla, but not big" so I knew we didn't want to let him/her overcook too much. But I was also acutely aware that we were approaching a holiday weekend (Labor Day) and if he didn't induce me on Friday, the next best option schedule-wise would be Tuesday which was a 4 day difference. Ooooh. So annoying. The nurse also mentioned that it might actually be a good idea for me to be induced in a controlled environment so that I would be sure to receive adequate antibiotic coverage given my Group Beta Strep (GBS) positive status. With all of these arguments made, I swallowed the lump in my throat and decided to "cross the bridge when/if we got there" as to whether or not to induce. Graham and I agreed we'd reassess how we were feeling on Thursday night and go from there.
 
Almost immediately following the "loosening of my membranes," I started having dull cramping in my stomach accompanied by bleeding. I went on a nice long walk with a good friend in hopes of "getting things going" and continued to go about my day. The cramps lasted most of the day and at times seemed to be getting stronger but nothing that I would classify as an actual contraction. By late afternoon, the aches were pretty much gone altogether. Darn!
 
Of course this was the day that our Home Owner's Association decided to come out and fix our leaky outdoor faucet and they told us that we needed to be around for it since it would involve shutting our water off. I told them I'd do my best to be home but that I was very pregnant and things could happen anytime. The look on our property manager's face was priceless when he knocked on our door to start the work. He looked at me as if I was about to drop a baby out on the kitchen floor at any given moment (little did I know that I actually was!) He got to work on the faucet only to have the water pipe behind it break off in his hand (it was that weak). He informed me that this meant the 1 or 2 hour job he was anticipating would now take 5 or 6 hours. Awesome. I refrained from telling him that I was experiencing cramping as I'm sure he would have nervously run the other way.

The pipe was repaired, Graham came home from work, we ate dinner and put Isla to bed. Graham went upstairs to read and I laid on the couch to watch tv and veg out. Around 9 PM, I realized I was having contractions and that they actually seemed to be coming fairly consistently. I decided to start timing them, just for fun. After a half hour of contractions that were 5 minutes apart or less, I decided I'd better go upstairs and tell Graham we might not be sleeping much that night. Of course he'd was already totally out when I went to tell him (and he never goes to bed early!!!) so I had to wake him up to tell him something was starting. We debated whether to make a call to our friends Jeremy and Rachel and transfer Isla to them before they went to bed and just hope things continued to progress or wait until we knew for sure that this was really "it" and wake them up to drop Isla off. By this time, the contractions were getting stronger but still totally manageable and so I told Graham to go ahead and call them. Then I started to shake and this is when I knew for sure that baby was on the way. I'd experienced the same shakes due to adrenaline surges after my water broke with Isla.

We started running around and packing some last items into our hospital bags. I called Overlake to make sure they did indeed want us to come in right away given my GBS + status. They didn't sound the least bit urgent but told us "we probably should come in." I jumped in the shower to freshen up (you never know how long it will be before you get to shower again!), Rachel arrived to pick up Isla and I made Graham help me empty the dishwasher and tidy up the house (definitely can't come home to a messy house!) I was still sort of buying time to make sure my contractions were coming regularly because there were times they seemed to be spacing themselves out.

We took off for the hospital and Graham made me paranoid in the car by asking when we were halfway to the hospital "Have you even had a contraction yet while we've been in the car?" But the contractions continued to get stronger even if there were some that were spaced out a bit. Then they'd randomly pick up and start happening every 2-3 minutes.

We arrived at Overlake at about 11 PM. They took my back to triage and hooked me up to the monitors to check things out. They gathered my info (and the fact that I was 3 1/2 + cm dilated in the office that morning) and decided to check me. Our nurse, Alyson, who also happened to be the charge nurse, said I was just barely at 3 1/2 cm and only 90% effaced (my dr had said I was 100% effaced at my appt the week prior). She questioned whether I'd been having a contraction when he checked me and I said I couldn't remember. Alyson said she was going to have me walk around for a half hour and then check me again to see if anything had happened before they admitted me since I "wasn't progressing." I was totally caught off guard and reminded her that I was GBS+ and needed to make sure I got antibiotics in prior to delivery.

I was NOT feeling like walking at this point and so opted to lay on the triage bed and try to relax between contractions as I was pretty tired and awfully comfy (all things considered) in the reclined position. Of course, over the next half hour, the contractions started getting pretty gnarly, making any and every position uncomfortable. We were still really confused about why they weren't admitting me and getting the antibiotics started though.  I couldn't have been happier when my doctor popped his head in around midnight. I sort of laughed and said "Long time no see!" I totally had an "Ah hah" moment where I realized that he must have just known I was going to go into labor that night (when he was on call) after loosening my membranes in the office...

I was so thankful when he sort of sternly told my nurse that I was to be admitted and started on antibiotics. It was then that our nurse (who ++remember was also charge nurse) told us that they had no open beds. OHHHHHH! NO WONDER!!! And...wait a second...no beds??? Ummmm....

Alyson started my IV which was a total breeze (if you're recall, having an IV was my biggest fear when I was pregnant with Isla--ha--little did I know that there would be worse things like ummmm....LABOR!!)Anyway, I actually found the coolness of the IV fluid entering my arm to be quite soothing (weird? yes.) Or maybe it was just that it was a nice distraction. Antibiotics were hung and the contractions continued to worsen. Graham turned on some Jim Brickman piano music and I just laid on my side on the triage bed, trying to sleep between contractions. Anytime one would come, I would start to squirm and try to sit up or change positions and breathe only to realize that absolutely nothing made the pain any better. Meanwhile, the lady on the other side of the curtain who was sharing the triage room with me was moaning and groaning as if death was imminent. At first it wasn't so bad but after awhile, the sounds actually began to nauseate me.

After laying there for a bit, Graham started to notice that my contractions were getting further apart and so urged me to get up and walk. I begrudgingly obliged. We only made it one time around the post partum and labor and delivery loop. The staff was hustling and bustling about and wheeling patients every which way. I quickly discovered that being on my feet was extremely uncomfortable as the contractions seemed to be coming every 30 seconds to 2 minutes. Every time one would hit, I would grab the bar lining the hall and hunch over, trying to breathe but mostly trying not to scare any passersby. It seriously took us over 20 minutes to make the short loop because the contractions were coming so frequently.

I gladly returned to "my" triage bed and laid back on my side. By this time I was in a lot of pain and was beginning to second guess whether I could actually do this. I distinctly remember Alyson coming to check on me and laying a hand on me during a tough contraction and telling me I was doing so awesome. I thought that might annoy me but her quiet presence was actually quite soothing. My "roommate" was wheeled out in a wheelchair (only to subsequently deliver as soon as she got to a room as I was later told). The contractions were coming super fast and furious and it was then that I decided I did not need to try and be "the hero" and that one dose of pain meds would be ok.

We called Alyson in and told her I wanted a half dose of Nubane to start. I think it was about 1 or 1:30 AM by this time. She said she needed to check me first to make sure I wasn't at 10 and ready to push or anything and she said I was at a 6. She told me how good of a job I was doing and then sort of outlined her plan: "I think we'll give you a dose of meds, get you into a room and then have a baby in an hour."

Have a baby in an hour?! What?! Both of us were wondering how she could possibly make that prediction especially given the fact that I was only at a 6. Aren't I only supposed to dilate ~1 cm an hour? Anyway, she couldn't have been more spot on. It's like she does this for a living or something. Maybe she could tell by the strength and frequency of my contractions or by how I'd gone from 3 1/2 to 6. Whatever the case, she knew her stuff!

She gave me a 1/2 dose of the IV Nubane and it sort of did something but not much. I asked her how soon we'd be able to determine whether I should have the other 1/2 dose and she said that if I wanted it, I should probably have it now as I couldn't get it too close to delivery (which happened with Isla). I opted to go ahead and have another 1/2 dose and what a wise decision it was! I immediately started to relax. Don't get me wrong, the pain was still there (!!!) but I was sort of able to sleep/"go to my happy place" between contractions.

The contractions continued nearby on top of one another when it hit. "Uh oh!" I exclaimed. "I feel like I need to push!" Then commenced a complete flurry of activity. Poor Alyson was on the phone in seconds and cheerfully reported that a bed had just opened up 10 minutes prior. She asked me if I could get in a wheelchair but by this point the contractions were too hard for me to sit up so she opted to roll me down the hall on a stretcher. She had someone page my doctor and he later told me he had to have the nurse repeat my name 3 times because he couldn't possibly believe I could be ready to deliver already. Another nurse came into the room to help gather supplies and both her and Alyson were running around trying to get the warmer on and the cart set up for my doctor.

Meanwhile, I was really feeling the need to push so said something like "Ummm, what am I supposed to do with these urges!!?" Alyson told me I could push lightly, just enough to relieve the pressure. I did so but tried my best to hold off as I was worried baby would shoot out across the room before anyone was ready. It took about 5 minutes for my doctor to arrive but when he did, he quickly broke my water (such a weird feeling--it seems like a ridiculous amount of fluid and so warm too) and then the real pushing began.


Almost immediately, Alyson said "The head is right there!" I misinterpreted her to be saying the head was out and was thinking Holy cow that was easy! Unfortunately, it wasn't quite that easy but really I can't complain. A few more pushes later and the head really was out! And then I think only one more hard push and out came the rest of her at 2:36 AM. My first thought was that we'd had a boy and I'm not sure if that's because I saw the umbilical cord or what. Then someone announced "It's a girl!" and I made some sort of joyous remark that I don't recall. They placed her on my chest and showered me with millions of compliments about how I did such a good job. They kept saying how they couldn't believe I delivered naturally (they don't count the Nubane I guess) and with such ease. I realize that these nurses see babies born every day but they seriously made me feel like I did something amazing. They were so affirming and positive-it blew me away and made me feel like a superstar.

Alyson said I pushed for about 5 minutes total and after we weighed her and realized how big she was, she kept telling me I was "just made to birth babies!" I'm not quite sure how I fit a 9 pound, 8 ounce baby inside of me, but it sure explains why I was SO UNCOMFORTABLE those last few weeks!

After hearing her measurements, we began to discuss name options (yes, we were still undecided). The name we were going to use for a girl didn't seem to "fit" and Graham really wanted her to have a feminine name given her large birth weight. We threw around a bunch of our top names and finally he just wrote "Emma Grace" on the whiteboard and said "That's it!" Emma had been on our list at one point but was eliminated due to its supposed popularity. When we asked Alyson if she'd seen a lot of Emma's she said she hadn't and that it seemed to be more common 5 years ago. So there you have it. Emma it was.

My labor start to finish was 5 1/2 hours and we only spent 3 1/2 hours in the hospital--I'll take it! Unfortunately this meant I didn't get the antibiotics in soon enough and they had to watch Emma for 48 hours after delivery. But other than that, I'd take a quick delivery any day! Somehow I managed to only suffer a 1st degree tear this time around (I think I had a 2nd degree w/ Isla) so all around this birth was faster and "easier" I guess you could say. Although I found that even though I pushed less this time around (I think I pushed for 10 minutes with Isla), it was definitely harder and more painful. And the stitches afterwards were also more painful (maybe because the Nubane had long worn off?)


The staff later told us that a total of 11 babies had been born between the time I arrived at the hospital and the time Emma was born. Eleven babies is usually the total number they have in a day, not in a 3 1/2 hour time frame! No wonder they didn't have beds! Graham's coworker who was working on his floor that evening told him that at one point, she heard them announce over the hospital loudspeaker "Any obstetrician in the house, please report to labor and delivery immediately." CRAZY! I guess they were desperate.

All in all, it is pretty wild to compare the similarities between Isla and Emma's births. Labor started on a Monday with both and then both were born on a Tuesday. Both were born late August on days when the floor was super busy. We were assigned the charge nurse both times (who usually doesn't take patients) since they didn't have any other nurses available.

That night was a wild ride but I look back on it with pride. Nothing ever goes as expected (hello! I didn't even get a room until 10 minutes before Emma arrived!) but I was quite pleased with our experience nonetheless. I no longer feel the need to try and go completely naturally. I really like the way the Nubane works for me and I would opt to do it again in the future.

Almost immediately following Isla's birth, Graham, totally in awe, said "Let's do this 4 times!" At the moment, I couldn't even fathom the idea. But now that I have these two precious girls, I think I just might be up for the challenge!

Dads and Daughters

Some friends recently asked us what we did to keep ourselves busy during our 5 day hospital stay. Did we get bored? It's amazing how you just go into this "other mode" when a crisis situation strikes, and compared to what I'm used to seeing, five days is really a rather short length of stay. We look back on the past week and can hardly believe it is already Sunday again. Only just one week ago, we were laying Emma down for the night, only to wake up and rush her to the ER. Time just flew by in one solid blur. We spent a lot of time at the hospital waiting, hours upon hours of holding, time praying, time crying. My pastor published this very timely post while we were in the trenches, so to speak, with Emma, a post about being still and reflecting.

On one of the evenings, after things started looking up again, Graham and I took a moment to pause and reflect. We rolled the bedside table over to the bed and dined on a meal of green salad, pasta, crusty bread, salami & cheese (thanks to our wonderful family and friends who kept an ongoing supply of meals and snacks coming!) I sipped on chocolate milk and we talked about how we were doing, what this whole ordeal meant. Neither of us believe that God causes this kind of painful situation to happen in our lives. The God we believe in is not out to get and hurt us. But we do believe He works through the hard times to teach us, and grow us as individuals and in our relationship with himself.

I very tearfully pointed out the positives in all this, the things that I will take away. I cannot even tell you how wonderfully painful it was to watch Graham and his littlest girl. When we came into the ER, I was fully expecting him to be the strong, rock solid nurse, present for all the procedures, taking everything in stride. And don't get me wrong, strong he most certainly was, but it a totally different and unexpected way. When the ER doctor came to do the lumbar puncture (spinal tap), he asked if we both wanted to be there. I told him I would stay if he needed me to but deferred to his wisdom as to whether it was something a mother should witness. He took one look at my puffy eyes and red face and recommended I step into the waiting room and so Graham volunteered to stay at Emma's bedside. When they brought me back into the exam room, I looked at Graham and knew something was up. I figured he was still kicking himself for not going to Overlake but as it turns out, that wasn't it at all.

When the inexperienced nurse began to dig around in Emma's little arm for a vein, Graham said he needed to go for a walk. "A walk?!" I balked. "Right now?" After that reaction, he stayed by my side but proceeded to pace the room nervously. After the nurse failed to get the IV and left the room, he completely broke down. When I asked him what was wrong, he shared how it was so hard to watch these things he sees happen on a daily basis, happen to his child. The tears he shed were heart-wrenching. But there was also so much beauty in those tears.

I know they say it takes a father a lot longer to bond with a new baby than it does the mother. But I think the diamond in the rough of this story is that we both came out of it so incredibly bonded to this sweet baby, so thankful that the Lord saw fit to bless us with another little girl. Granted I would never, ever wish this sort of experience on anyone, but am so thankful for the amazing connection that I witnessed being formed between Daddy and Daughter. I've told Graham time and time again and I will say it once more: he is just made to father daughters and our girls are very, very blessed.

Emma's week

I don't know if words are ever going to be able to capture and accurately express the emotional roller coaster ride we have been on over the past 9 days. I had fully intended on first and foremost writing a post about Emma's birth before the details grew foggy but now I'm feeling the need to document all the thoughts that have been running through my head over the course of the last few days.

I am feeling so completely overwhelmed by the army of prayer warriors who have been lifting us and our sweet Emma Grace up before the Lord in prayer. I have not even attempted to count but know we have literally hundreds of people who have told either us directly or other family members that they are praying. And we can definitely feel it. On Tuesday, when things were looking pretty scary, both sets of grandparents were present to pray tearfully and fervently together with us as we faced the decision of whether or not to transfer Emma to Children's Hospital. Not more than a couple hours later, all of Emma's vitals turned around and began heading in the right direction! The power of prayer is amazing.

So for those of you who are wondering how this all came about, I'll fill you in with the details. I'll be posting eventually about the details of Emma's birth but for now all you need to know is that it went very smoothly but was quite fast. I was Group Beta Strep positive (GBS), which about 25% of healthy women are and basically all that means is that I needed to get IV antibiotics at least 4 hours prior to delivery to ensure that Emma got coverage she needed to protect her from getting an infection. Of course she decided to arrive after about only 2 1/2 hours on antibiotics so they kept us hospitalized 48 hours + after delivery to make sure Emma wasn't showing any sign of illness. She did great so we discharged home last Thursday, healthy, happy and tired.

All I can say is that I am so incredibly thankful that I work in the field that I do. I'm not sure I would have acted as quickly as I did had I not known from working in the NICU how quickly a baby's body can be overtaken by infection. Emma was acting totally normal on Sunday during the day, maybe just a little more sleepy in retrospect. We put her to bed about 10 PM and she didn't wake to eat on her own. At 2 AM, after way too long of a stretch of sleep, I tried to wake her. She'd started making some funny sounds in her sleep (Isla was known for doing this too so it would have been easy to think nothing of it) and when I touched her, she felt hot. We had her in a fleece swaddle since it was hot out and we were sleeping with the window open. I immediately pulled it off and took her temp. I can't remember what my initial reading was because I took it so many times but I know it was more than 100, maybe 100.4. I got on my pediatrician's webpage and read that increased temps are common in newborns due to overdressing them so I striped her down naked and waited to see if her temp normalized. At this point, shaking and with tears running down my cheeks, I woke Graham and told him I was pretty sure she had a fever. He told me to wait the 1/2 hour recommended on the website after striping her down and reassured me that it was probably environmental.

Thirty minutes later, her temperature was no better. I think the highest reading I got was 100.8. We called the after hours line at our peds office and meanwhile I got her to eat. A triage nurse from Children's called us back in 20 minutes and told to take her to the Evergreen Hospital's ER, as it was the closet to our home. I am so thankful my mom was still staying with us! It was around 3:45 AM by this time and so I ran to her room, told her Emma had a fever and that we were going to the ER and we were out the door in minutes.

When we arrived at the ER (after running a red light that just wouldn't turn green), I immediately began to question our decision to come to Evergreen. The triage nurse beckoned me back and asked "What's up?" I proceeded to tell her that I'd delivered 6 days prior and was GBS positive, inadequately treated with a precipitous delivery. She gave me this look like she had no idea what I was talking about and asked "What's GBS?" Now I realize that the average person would have no clue what the above sentence means had I rattled it off to them. But anyone in the medical field who works with babies should immediately know what I was talking about and begin to ACT as GBS sepsis can take a baby's life very quickly if not treated right away. This lady leisurely called me back, put Emma on the scale with her clothes and diaper on (totally inaccurate!) and proceed to get a rectal temp of 101.7. The taking of the temperature caused Emma to poop and we noticed her stool was completely watery. The nurse make a grossed out face and said something to the effect of "I'm ok with it if she poops on my hand, but definitely not on my face! She's all yours from here, Mama. I've changed enough babies raising three of my own." Wow. Not exactly what you want to hear in a moment like this.

We were moved from triage to a room in the ER and a new nurse appeared. She got a little background and then the doctor arrived. Thankfully, he understood my GBS mumbo jumbo (and the fact that I was likely in the medical field given how it rolled easily off my tongue) and began to take action. He was probably the only professional presence we encountered in the ER. He ordered a blood culture, urine culture, lumbar puncture (spinal tap), IV antibiotics and a blood count and told us he was going to need to admit Emma given my history and her presentation (by now she was breathing really fast and continuing to grunt). The nurse got to work trying to implement these orders, all the while making really reassuring comments like "Hmmm, not sure how we do that here" and "I'm a traveler so I'll need to check on that" and "Wow, I've never had a patient this small before!" When she was trying to get the IV started, you could tell she was second guessing herself as she asked Graham if he wanted to take a look and see if he could "see a vein there." Throughout all the poking, Emma just laid there on the table, not even attempting to fight it.

Graham was pacing and I was crying and completely regretting that we didn't make the slightly longer drive south to Overlake where they had Emma's records and where I knew the staff. I began praying that we'd made the right decision, telling myself that the Children's nurse would not have sent us here if it wasn't where we needed to be.

We should have asked right then and there that they send a pediatric or NICU nurse to start the IV but our heads were swimming. Graham kept telling me it would be ok and that we did what the Children's nurse told us to do. He hugged me and thanked me for being persistent and going with my gut even when he told me the temp was probably just due to overheating in the swaddle.

After one failed IV start and a catheter attempt that Emma basically peed completely around, they told us they were sending us up to the peds floor where a NICU nurse would start the IV. Phew. The NICU charge nurse met us upstairs and immediately got to work, verbalizing the importance of getting the antibiotics going immediately which made me feel better. Finally someone who knew what they were doing! She went to working poking and prodding in Emma's little hands, unable to find a good vein. She explained that in sepsis, blood flow slows to the extremities, making it quite challenging to get a vein. I knew Emma was a "hard stick" when she started praying over her as she poked. Finally she got one in and relief washed over me along with a pool of tears. 

By now, we'd been at the hospital for about 2 hours and it was 6 AM. The events of the rest of the day are already a blur but numerous labs and cultures were drawn and sent and the doctor came by to assess Emma. Little did I know, the same doctors who work on my peds floor in Everett also work down here so I was pleased to see familiar names/faces. Emma was started on oxygen to help relieve her work of breathing and the nurses took her temperature almost hourly and it only seemed to be climbing. The doctor came by about 5 or 6 times during a 24 hour period and spent more time with us than I've ever witnessed from a doctor. He was obviously quite worried. Our care from the moment we arrived on peds was 110% better and I felt very confident and reassured that this was where we needed to be.

Things began looking grim after 24 and then 36 hours of fever that could not be relieved, even with Tylenol. Emma's heart rate was inching toward 220 beats per minute, far too high for my comfort level. We began to talk about the possible need to transfer her to Children's where she would have access to a higher level of care should the sepsis overwhelm her body and she start to deteriorate. Meanwhile, the doctors here consulted with the infectious disease doctors at Children's, trying to piece together her puzzling presentation. Apparently she had a lot of people stumped since her cultures were all coming back negative and she remained febrile for such a long period. The poor girl barely opened her eyes and wanted to be held constantly but not messed with. She continued to grunt and moan and was obviously in a lot of pain. The doctors began talking about looking for other potential sources of infection such as endocarditis (infection of the heart) or internal abscesses on various organs or in her joints.

On Tuesday morning, the doctor basically said that if things weren't improving by late afternoon, we'd discuss shipping her to Children's. I felt totally overwhelmed and panicked by the gravity of the decision, not wanting to be held responsible if we chose to stay here and then things fell apart and also not wanting to head across the water to a unit where we'd be unable to room in and spend 24 hours a day at Emma's bedside. An echocardiagram (heart ultrasound) was performed that afternoon and there was talk of doing a more detailed ultrasound of her body to look for these possible abscesses.

You can work with ill patients every day and somehow not let it phase you, but when it's your daughter's well-being that's in jeopardy, it's a whole different ballgame. Thankfully, by the GRACE of God, Emma's condition turned around literally a couple hours before we were to have to make the decision. It was made for us and I couldn't have been more relieved. Emma's temperature began to go down, her heart rate dropped below 200 and she began to perk up a little bit. She spiked one more temperature that night but then has not had another one since!

And here I sit, having barely left Emma's bedside since the wee hours of Monday morning. I am thankful to say she is on the mend and we may get to go home tomorrow if the last couple pending tests come back negative. Initially we all thought Emma had a late onset GBS infection but with all the negative cultures and tests, it is looking more and more like some unknown and never-to-be-known virus that brought this all about.

Thank you EVERYONE for all the prayers, texts, calls, food and Isla care you've provided over the past week. We feel so loved and cared for.

Someone's looking mighty fine this morning, don't you think?

Meet Emma Grace

We are now a family of four! Emma Grace Crozier joined our family on August 30th at 2:36 AM. Her entrance into the world was, may I say, fast and furious but more on that whole bit later.

 Our nurse, Alyson, was awesome and so encouraging throughout the process. She kept telling me in the delivery room that Emma was a big baby and I figured she meant 8 pounds big...

The moment of truth: 9 pounds, 8 ounces big! WHAT!? 

Tired but very relieved mommy

Daddy meets his daughter

We had quite a few middle-of-the-night visitors: Grandma (pictured) & Grandpa Wilson

Grandma & Grandpa (pictured) Crozier

Other visitors (not pictured) included Auntie Lani, Uncle Michael and cousin Gideon.

First bath!

Emma has thick, long and dark hair.

Our visitors went home in the wee hours of the morning and then our friends Jeremy, Rachel and Oliver brought Isla to meet her little sister at about 6 1/2 hours of age (9 AM). My parents also stopped by for another visit.

We love, love, love her and are getting to know her better each day. Much more later!