Emma 21 Months

This sweet girl is as cute as a bug and a lot of fun too! I'd forgotten how much I love this age! 

-has tons of new words: stuck, on, shoe, more, water (wah-wah), bum, poop, banana, apple, grandma, snack, eat, whoa (my personal favorite), wow, nigh nigh, hot, bye bye, hat

-has a love/hate relationship with shoes - loves trying them on (anyone and everyone's will do) but gets extremely frustrated when she can't get them on herself

-thinks she has a baby in her belly

-tries to "find" my baby by lifting my shirt and poking my belly button

-went in to fetch her in her crib one morning and she grabbed her behind, made a scrunchy, grossed out face and said "poooooo" (this was the highlight of my week - truly hysterical!)

-had her 1st full on 30-minute-screaming-on-the-floor-tantrum because she couldn't get her sister's shoes on ironically enough
-goes straight as a board when put in her carseat

-first trip to the dentist = success (10 teeth!)
-loves "parading" around the house with her big sis (below)

-finally started eating vegetables - carrots, corn, sweet bell peppers and tomatoes, confirming that it takes 10+ introductions for a child to accept new foods!
-also realized she likes pineapple (which she calls "apple")
-strictly forbidden from eating raw apple slices (nearly called 911 - the girl doesn't chew!)
-learned to give real kisses (gone are the humming cheek bumps)

Watch Out!

I don't know if I'm nesting or just feeling super antsy for the end of the quarter to be here but I told Graham yesterday to hide his valuables lest they get thrown away! I'm in a mood!! De-cluttering and deep-cleaning is on my long list of to-dos. I have done my very best to keep up around here but it's amazing how much can go undone up when one is the sole caretaker of the home for 10 crazy months (I could argue it's been more like 3 1/2 years or 4 years but Graham at least used to have enough time to help clean the bathrooms prior to 2012...) Anyway, moral of the story is: please don't look in my fridge. Or try to turn on the front porch light. Or ask me how much we are paying for internet or car insurance. Or try to find anything in my pantry. Or open the door to the closet under the stairs. Any of our closets actually. And don't look closely at the paint on the walls. 

I've managed to keep the surface of the place tidy enough but behind the closed doors, it's SCARY! I did manage to call our finance guy the other day to FINALLY open a college savings account for Emma. The secretary answered the phone and enthusiastically congratulated me on the birth of my second. I sheepishly told her she was almost 2 years old but hey! Better late than never!

Here we are, 12 days, one last paper to be formatted, 2 more shifts of clinicals and one final left to go! A cap, hood and gown have been sliding around in the trunk of the car for over a week now. I think this is actually going to happen!! I know my last update wasn't super positive (even Graham questioned whether he was going to graduate after reading it!) but it looks like all the ducks are getting in their rows and my husband is going to be handed his Masters. Hallelujah!!!!

Our conversations are now moving from surviving school to figuring out life AFTER school. We are planning to take things slowly so don't be surprised if you here a lot of "no"s from us. We are going to do some serious thinking and re-prioritizing before we take anything new on. I'm really excited. And scared. Some people have brushed off my nervousness and told me we'll adjust after a couple days together. I wish it were going to be that simple but I know us and I know it will take a lot of discussing and re-discussing and hashing and re-hashing to just figure out how we do life together as a family of four (soon to be five!) We both feel passionate that the next few months are going to be a crucial time for us to be together, prayerfully considering where we spend our time and money. There is much on the horizon - a credentialing exam, job interviews and maybe eventually a move. Stay tuned!! Yippeeee!

Isla 45 Months

Seriously could this girl be anymore stunning? 

-Someone suggested tour guiding as a possible career option for her - it does seem rather fitting! 

-Has started "reading" books aloud, making up the story as she goes

-Loves to help me cook and chop using a cheese knife 

-Asks "Is Daddy at work or in class or clinicals today?" She's counting the days until graduation on her paper chain!

-She's a great older sister - her latest trick: parading Emma around the house on a blanket "leash" 

-Is ready for summer, every day, all the time. Love her spunk and outfit choices!

 -Can't seem to get enough of her craft box

-Also loves my office supply drawer: she "makes lists" on sticky notes, tapes up boxes filled with random things and the other day I found her using my postage stamps as stickers! At least Grandma Wilson taught her how to walk with scissors safely!

-Had our first family movie night (watched Brave). True to character, she asked questions like "What is happening?" or "What are they doing?" for 90 minutes straight. Then she was devastated when the closing scene showed mom and daughter riding off into the sunset on horseback. She burst into tears sobbing "How are they going to get home?" as the closing credits rolled... 

 -Some people murder for curls like hers 

-Occasionally napping again (very unpredictable - growth spurt maybe?)

 -She's a very serious child :) 

-Then again, maybe not

-Can't get enough of her preschool workbook

-Loves to help me clean the house

-Wants "Mommy to do it," particularly when it comes to putting her to bed

Baby 3 - Halfway there!

I still have days where I pat myself on the back and wonder if I am even showing. Then I have my husband go and do something like take a photo from the side. Ha! Some might call what I'm experiencing DENIAL. :) So yeah, I guess there really is a baby in there! 

We passed the 20 week mark on Tuesday - that means we are halfway there. Say WHAT!? Time sure is flying! We got to take a good peak and our sweet one on Wednesday and all is looking good! We found out we are having............

a BABY!!!!

Sorry, no news for you.

After much discussion, we (I) opted not to find out the gender once again. I know all my friends and family want to murder me but don't knock it until you've tried it! Finding out in the delivery room has to have been the coolest experience and best surprise of my life thus far. When I pulled this card on Graham, he had no argument and so kindly agreed to my wishes. He later confessed that he'd been planning to peak anyway and not tell me so I made him go behind the curtain when the time came in the ultrasound room. I'm telling you, the boy can NOT keep a secret! The dean of the nursing school knew we were pregnant before all of you did if that tells you anything (he told her the day we found out when I was approximately 4 1/2 weeks along!) 

Anyway, so our little peanut is growing right on track and appears healthy. We had both the tech and Dr take a closer look at the baby's nose and lips and palate to do all they could to rule out a cleft given our history with Emma. We know they can't see everything on ultrasound (Emma's a prime example) but from what they can see, all seems to be developing normally. It was so wonderful to see this amazing miracle moving around and sucking his/her fingers in front of us on the screen - praise God! After our little "preview," Graham is convinced we are having another girl and I think there's a chance it might be a wee fellow in there. We'll see.

As for the pregnancy....

-I'm feeling lots of movement now.

-I'm even seeing my belly jump.

-I continue to run ~2.5 - 4.5 miles about 3 times a week.

-Just this week, these runs are getting much harder (my legs never really wake up!)

-I'm having some dizzy spells while sitting and driving (the latter is a bit scary!)
-I must be nesting - I decided this week to MAKE my own diaper bag...

-I'm sleeping mostly on my stomach.

-I can't seem to sleep much past 5:45 or 6 AM.

-Overall I'm feeling mostly good but with an energy level of ~0. Not sure if that's pregnancy vs I'm-three-and-three-quarter-years-into-playing-support-role-for-grad-school-and-about-to-lose-it. Tough call! :)

Dandelions

No matter how hard the day (and today was just "one of those days"), one look at these sweet cheeks and all is forgiven. This girl has an incredible curiosity and I love watching her explore her world!

More blessings

-For scenes like those above that crack me up and make me think the rapture has happened

-For early AM runs with a good friend

-For Saturday coffee shop dates as a whole family

-For a husband who dresses his girls in all the frills and ruffles

-For a moment to lie down

-For a slow Saturday off together....finally

-For sense of humors returning

-For chocolate cake

-For a daughter who is obsessed with her preschool workbook

-For another daughter who is learning her animal sounds

-For moments where I catch my husband watching his kids with looks of love

-For Trader Joe's pappardelle pasta

-For clean sheets

-For simple reminders that the Lord is at work

Blessings

-For the intuitive husband who sees the sag in my shoulders, the weariness in my eyes and postpones his studies to aid with the kitchen aftermath. 

-For the smell of coffee brewing. With real half and half.

-For the children who sleep, even after the sun has risen.

-For the friend who shares her heart vulnerably.

-For the promise of a new day.

-For plants emerging after winter's hibernation, signs that my thumb has a tint of green.

-For a morning kiss before work, followed by a phone call just to check in.

-For dancing children, shoes on the wrong feet.

Gratitude

Today I wake and find myself brimming with emotions. I am reminded that it's Monday. Oh. No wonder. The links on the paper chain working it's way up the staircase look the same as they did yesterday. And the day before. And the day before. It appears stagnant in length though I'm sure it must be shrinking based on the torn links I find spread throughout the house. How can twenty-seven days feel like such an eternity? I am elated yet fearful, ready but nervous. In 27 days, an enormous milestone may finally be achieved. But there is also a chance that day could mark a moment of deep disappointment. I'm hopeful for the former, petrified for the latter. With each week that passes comes news of yet another reason graduation is on the chopping block. I have come to expect these notices now though the compilation of them all shakes me to the core. I don't know how much more I can take. I swear we are on their hit list. I have had my eyes fixed on the finish. Glued to it with a fierceness I cannot put into words. I need it be over. I need to move on. But there is this voice in the back of my head (the Holy Spirit maybe?) that gently reminds me the true finish may not be the finish I'm envisioning. The words (from Jesus Calling) in my quiet time this AM read "Do you trust Me to orchestrate your life events as I choose, or are you still trying to make things go according to your will? If you keep trying to carry out your intentions while I am leading you in another direction, you deify your desires." This makes me want to scream. I've done enough growing! I've been stretched enough! I didn't sign up for any more. I can't do it. Over the past couple weeks, so many of the conversations I've had and the things I've been reading seem to point me toward fostering a readiness for something other than what I have planned. I have run out of synonyms to describe how deeply this terrifies me. Yet through it all (even through gritted teeth!), I can feel a sense of peace forming, knowledge - no, faith, that whatever the outcome in twenty-seven days, we will be equipped and we will not be alone.

I fear that the events of this last year in particular will leave me marked by anger and bitterness. We have not been treated fairly, this much is sure. But I do not want to emerge from this experience, a tainted individual, marred by festering resentment. And so I embark on a new journey, a journey with gratitude as it's focus. I am determined, even on these days filled with darkness, loneliness, frustration and fear, to find the beauty and the blessings. To practice gratitude. 

-A single red rose, presented after a long 12 hour shift to me, the mother of his children

-A page from the nursery, the knowledge that I am needed

-An opportunity to cuddle my youngest while she slept in my arms

-Drops of rain to wash away the sweat of an early morning run

-Thunder that brings me to snuggle up under a cozy blanket

********

There is much, oh so much, to be thankful for and it is high time I put them to name. 

Baby Crozier #3!

It's high time I documented some tidbits from this pregnancy lest this little one feel left out! I am almost 18 weeks now, just a day past 16 weeks when this picture was taken. My how time flies when there are two others to chase! 

Our positive pregnancy test came at the tail end of a very stressful couple weeks back in winter quarter when Graham's clinical rotations were falling through. Emotions were running high as it was. I'd taken a pregnancy test a few days earlier but when it came back negative, I more or less moved along. After about 5 days, Graham suggested I retake the test (apparently my emotions were crazier than I realized!!!) so off we went on a family trip to the grocery store to pick one up (among other things). 

When we arrived home, Graham set straight to work, feeding the girls lunch. I, on the other hand, grabbed the test and headed straight upstairs. Two minutes later, I was crying and feeling completely overwhelmed. I came down the stairs, tears streaming down my cheeks, straight into Graham's arms. He had music playing and cheerfully began to try and dance me around the room. I hugged him tightly and sobbed "Things are about to get a lot more complicated!" He, totally oblivious to why I'd run straight upstairs and still thinking about the grad school situation, tried to soothe and comfort me with things like "I know. It's all gonna work out." Meanwhile I bawled "No, things are about to get a LOT more complicated." I think I said it one more time with even greater emphasis on the A LOT part before he finally stopped dancing and got it. "OH!!" he said. "I see" as it hit him. I'm pretty sure then he just started laughing while I finished dehydrating myself via my eyes. 

I look back on all this and smile now. In the moment, the news felt so poorly-timed as we had just learned that Graham's graduation might possibly be postponed but it was too late to reverse the family planning plans that had *cough* already been set in motion so to speak. But now I see that God's timing could not have been better and we are thrilled to be welcoming this little pumpkin sometime around October 8th. We feel so blessed to be growing our family at this season in our life.

(taken at 10 1/2 weeks)

As for the little tidbits....
-nausea hit on Valentine's Day, just over 6 weeks in. Ugg. Not sure if it actually was worse this time around or if it just felt worse because I couldn't lay down whenever I wanted. Tried Sea-bands, Unisom, B12 to try and make it go away with limited success.
-have craved spicy foods, SALT, microwave buttered popcorn, Indonesian Ramen, mac n' chz, lemonade, Fanta, Little Caesar's Pepperoni pizza
-weeks 8-12 (and later): severe daily headaches. Resumed my caffeinated coffee habit which helped some but was forced to take Tylenol multiple times each day.
-continued running throughout (turns out "runners high" is the best anti-emetic I've found yet) though backing off on my distances. I did manage to run 6 miles pushing both girls in the stroller just shy of 11 weeks. Let me be clear: that has only happened ONCE!
-week 14: nausea began to subside!!!!! Energy returns.
week 16: I guess I officially "popped" (though I've been showing and wearing maternity clothes ~10-12 weeks) as I had a male doctor approach me at work and ask if I was having a 3rd baby. Also had my first stranger ask when I was due.
-began feeling movement for the first time!
-week 17: a good week - feeling almost myself accept for the bulge on my front and my winded nature upon climbing stairs