Do not tire

The scripture "Do not tire of doing good" keeps running through my head this afternoon which I suppose is fitting since I greeted the day already weary. Life has been full and crazy and chaotic and disastrous and good and everything else as of late. We were supposed to close on a house (yes, we are in the process of buying a house - more on that later) on Thursday but numerous situations beyond our control leave us still homeless today, with growing anxiety over whether the deal will ever actually go through. So there's that.

 

This morning it was my MOPS table's turn to bring breakfast for the 60 women who attend.  I was up early (with all three kids, thank-you daylight savings!) trying to make an egg dish, braid hair, prepare fruit, dress children, slice pumpkin bread and throw something a smidge dressier than pajamas over my tired body. If you were a fly on the wall over here, you would already know that the morning hours definitely do not put me in the running for mother of the year. Just ask my in-laws, who can now bear witness (incredibly humbling). I may appear calm and poised in public, but getting out the door and getting anywhere on time usually involves a lot of critical words and a decent amount of yelling. 

 

Today was one of those mornings. Unfortunately, with Isla in school now, most of my mornings are now one of "those mornings." We have somewhere to be at the crack of dawn every week day which makes life fun. I usually spend our walks to school begging my kids for forgiveness for yelling and then praying over our day (that I could turn my sticky behavior around!) It's ugly, but it's the truth.

 

In all this, I have spent a lot of time reflecting and wondering if anything I am doing could possibly be having a positive impact on anyone. My stress levels are soaring and, if I allow it, my mind swarms with self deprecating thoughts. Then on rainy days like today, the dark clouds outside literally seem to creep their way into the house and deep into my soul, darkening it and weighing me down.

 

This afternoon, as I was filling the dishwasher and scrubbing the kitchen for the umpteenth time, feeling totally overcome by this this darkness, the words from Galatians 6:9 came to mind. "Do not tire of doing good for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." I carried on with my housework and came across one of the pieces of artwork that my eldest left lying around (there are HUNDREDS!!!) It was very simple but it totally struck me. 

 

Yesterday, my sweet Emma got her finger smashed in the door jam. Before I even had a chance to scoop her into my arms, Isla was at the ready with an ice pack for her sister. And not 30 seconds later, she came running down the stairs with a personalized piece of "get well artwork", and proudly presented it to Emma. You probably can see where this is going but it was that very piece of artwork that I encountered while enveloped by dark clouds this afternoon. What a sweet and lovely and tangible reminder to me that our Savior cares and that what we do, does matter and that I must be doing something right. Somehow, some way, amidst the raised voices and stress, my kids are developing hearts of tenderness. Praise God for mercies that are new every day!