Happy Birthday Emma Grace!

To our Emma Grace,

Happiest of Birthdays to our amazing FOUR year old! I will never, ever forget that first week when you came into our lives. It was then that I learned just how deep and fierce a mother's love truly goes. You scared us half to death when you became ill at only five days of age and we are so very, very thankful that you pulled through. Daddy chose your middle name on a bit of a whim shortly after you were born and it couldn't be a more fitting reminder of the grace God has shown to our family.

You have a way of lighting up the life of every last person that you meet. You are a real charmer and you can sneak in snuggles like nobody's business, especially with your grandpas. You are tender and sweet and stubborn and a little bit quirky with a dash of shy thrown in the mix. I never quite know what's going to come out of your mouth from one moment to the next but usually it's hilarious.

I love spending time alone with you. As the middle child, you are more or less destined to either be at the heels of your big sis or leading your little brother around by the end of a stick. One-on-one time is only accomplished with immense forethought and planning but it is so worth it. When I hang out with you, I'm often tempted to ask you questions about your favorite food, color or how you are feeling about starting preschool. But our best times are had when I just keep my mouth shut and let you take the lead. I took you on a date while we were on vacation in Cannon Beach last week. I suggested we take a walk and you enthusiastically took it from there. You wanted to go to the hotel lobby where we grabbed a cup of hot chocolate for you and coffee for me. We sat briefly and then you wanted to go outside. Your cocoa spilled the moment we stepped out the door but you remained calm while I fixed you another. Next you suggested we walk to the beach to "see the big rock." Along the way, we posed for pictures in front of a puffin statue - your request of course. We passed another statue of a sailor and you pronounced him your daddy. Seriously, kid. You're crazy sometimes. The beach was cold and so once we reached it, we took shelter against a wall to sip our drinks and talk. You wanted to show me how you could make a sand angel and then I loved you ten times more because it was so ridiculously adorable. 

Thanks for helping remind me who you really are in the special moments we spent together. Sometimes being three (and now four!) is super tough. We've had a bit of a rough go as of late. And I think I've been handling it all wrong. The root of the issue, I think, is that you need more from us than we're giving you. I was a middle child too so I know how easy it is to get "lost" amidst the siblings who may be the squeakier wheel at the moment. We see you and we love you and you are oh so very special to us. 

You are strong, little one. When you set your mind to something, nothing will sway you. Particularly when it comes to your wardrobe. You will be dripping in sweat but will REFUSE to change out of the wool sweater dress that you insisted on wearing in the 80 degree heat. On other days though, no one could convince you to get dressed by yourself if they tried. You'd much prefer to be babied. 

I love how recently, when you accidentally fall asleep in the car or in some other random location, you exclaim immediately upon waking, "I was just pretending to be asleep" as if it were the worst thing in the world to actually need a little bit of shut eye. I always wanted a kid who would provide me with crazy sleep stories and girl, you are that kid! I have more than my fair share of pictures of you while asleep because you fall asleep in the silliest of places.

It's been fun getting ready for your birthday party. You decided MONTHS ago that you wanted a bat birthday party, since bats are your favorite animal. I've asked you numerous times what you would like for your birthday and all you will tell me is a Stellaluna the Bat cake. I really think you'd be happy with that and that alone. But for the sake of your guests, we also have been working on a bat piñata because your mama has no idea what else one does for a "bat birthday party" that isn't creepy for other 4 year olds...thanks for always keeping life exciting!

Emma, as you turn 4 and begin preschool, my prayer for you is that you would grow in your knowledge of all things academic but more importantly in your knowledge of God and His never ending GRACE for you. I pray that you would build strong friendships, learning to communicate in a kind and gentle and honest way. I pray that you would continue to draw people in in your charming way. I pray for your relationships with your siblings, that your friendships would continue to deepen and grow. 

You are a precious gift, Emma, and we love you so much! Happy birthday to you!

Love,

Mom and Dad

Happy Birthday Isla Pie

To my dear 6 year old Isla,

Happiest of Birthdays to you sweet girl! Or to use your latest acronym note communication style: HBTYSG! I have been thinking a lot about all the words I would write to you in honor of your 6th birthday. I am so proud of the big girl you are becoming! Lately I have watched you as you have really embraced the role of "big sister" to your siblings, particularly your brother. You are so helpful in always making sure he has everything he needs all the way from getting him a glass of water down to assisting him out of his crib in the morning when mommy is "too slow." I love watching you love on and find joy in him.

Recently I took you on a special Mommy Date. We exercised first with you on your bike and me trying to keep up with you with just my two legs. You have gotten so strong and made it 4 whole miles! I would have quit much earlier with the pace you kept me at but you pushed me to keep going. After our run/bike, we went school supplies shopping and you did such a great job making sure we got everything on the list. It gave me so much joy to see how much our time together meant to you. You told me repeatedly how fun it was to just be with Mommy.

I learn so much from you, Isla. This year you are teaching me how to big a good neighbor as we get settled into our "new" house. You are constantly inviting friends over and greeting passersby. If it weren't for your help, I'd probably be a hermit but you've sparked countless conversations with neighbors by loudly saying "Mom, don't you want to meet that person?" in their earshot. It's been really nice for you to make friends in the neighborhood and if you had it your way, you would have them over all the time, all day, for every meal. You will leave one play date and return home and immediately ask if one of the neighbors can come over. Your energy never ceases!

You've taken a special interest in selling things to earn money. First it began with frequent lemonade stands out front but it is beginning to develop into greater and bigger entrepreneurial endeavors. Recently, you have been making jewelry in hopes of someday selling it to earn money for the kids at Children's Hospital. I love your caring heart and thoughtfulness and hope we can figure out a way to make this happen!

Last month, it was a joy to watch you thrive in hosting some of your second cousins and their parents for a few weeks. You had the BEST time playing with them every day and were always so sad when they had other social engagements to attend that didn't include you. I loved watching you make fast friends and then witnessing your tender spirit when it was time to say goodbye. You desperately wanted to get up early when they took off for the airport and when I woke you for the trip, it only took about 2 seconds before you began to cry. You were so sad to have your special friends move away and you cried for most of the morning. It was hard yet so precious for your mommy to watch. I especially liked how you immediately asked "for a trip to Bangladesh" for your birthday present. I hope so, baby girl. I hope so too.  

My prayer for you as you become a 6 year old and go off to first grade is that you would continue to love your friends and family well. That you would always be the one to look out for others and to make them feel included and special. I pray that you would be a light at school and not be scared to stand up for what you believe in, that people would be drawn to you. I pray that you would be strong and that your spirit would be preserved, no matter what sort of hardships may come your way. I pray that you would love Jesus with all your heart and continue to explore what that means at the ripe young age of 6. I pray that you would be confident in who He made you to be and that your faith would never falter. Your dad and I are so proud of you!

Love,
Mom & Dad

Mumbo jumbo

I am currently seated in an idyllic setting in a coffee shop at the end of this pier in Coupeville, WA. In honor of my recent aging earlier this month, my husband gifted me with a "solo" get away, minus the solo part. Initially he was going to send me away entirely alone for an overnight to rest and refresh and write. I was thrilled by the idea but as is the case with most decisions in my life, at the the same time, I was paralyzed. Would I like being alone at dinnertime? Sleeping alone? Would I like not talking to anyone I know for an entire 24 hours? Given my most certainly introverted nature, I was a bit surprised that my answer wasn't an immediate and wholehearted YES!! But you see, the cool thing is that I adore this man that I'm married to and spending time with him is always on my bucket list. 

It also helped when he promised not bother me if I let him come too. By the time he arrived last evening after work, I'd enjoyed 7 straight hours of DOING WHATEVER THE HECK I WANTED. And it was glorious. I was also ready to tell someone about it. Insert husband who willingly suffered along with me in this gorgeous waterfront setting. Sigh. The things we do for love.

It's been a wild summer in our household. I have a lot of pent up happenings that I have yet to process which means you're probably in for it with this post. I catch myself frequently writing and rewriting blog posts in my head yet my fingers never quite make it to the keyboard. I'm not quite sure if there is something holding me back (3 needy children biding for my time maybe?) or if I'm just plain avoiding it. Like today for instance I've had all this glorious time to write out my thoughts yet I waited until after 2 PM to pull out the computer and even then only after a little pep talk from my husband. Sometimes I feel as if I have nothing to say. No moral or message or tidbit of wisdom to share. And so I don't write. Until I feel like I am about to explode, that is.

I've been learning a lot about myself lately. Maybe it isn't so much that I'm learning more about myself but more that I am finally learning to accept myself and who God made me to be. It used to be that I felt ashamed for my introverted nature. What loser likes to be alone? And fantasizes about being alone almost every given day? Um, ME!!! This motherhood ride is a crazy one, ain't it? It's probably no news flash to my fellow introverts that our culture does not embrace the art of introversion. Especially when we are also mamas. We tend to hide behind the scenes, sometimes we're awkward and some of us have these insane cravings to run off to coffee shops and write. Even when we have but a few readers. 

I must say though, I feel like I'm living the dream. For reals. I don't know, maybe it's because it's sunny or maybe it's because I quite my job or maybe it's because I finally have a house with a garden where I can put my fingers into the earth and try my hand at growing edibles. Maybe it's that I have 3 healthy children, just the right man for me, good friends who I am finally letting get to know the real me, and enough expendable income to afford the occasional getaway for self care.

I used to feel debilitated more often than not by my thriving guilt complex. Nice things unzipped me and I felt bad having them. Time alone made me feel exponentially undeserving. I'm a mom and didn't 24-7 hours come with the territory? These are the things I would tell myself. Breaks were a luxury that would fill me with guilt for weeks on end as I felt the death looks from the overtired moms who weren't as fortunate as I to score an occasional moment with no children hanging off my every limb. And yet, totally exhausted and worthless to the world without them, I could easily begin a downward spiral.

But I've been growing. I've been prayerfully ushering away these feelings of guilt and replacing them with those of grace. And I've been pleased to discover that not everyone despises me when I heroically manage to pull off some act of self care. I've found people in my life who are actually cheering for me to get breaks. Supporting me in getting them even. And not getting caught up in the crazy rat race of comparison.  I took a huge step last week and even paid a babysitter so I could go on a run. Say what!? Who does that? Tired mamas who need a break, that's who. (Counter intuitive to call a run a break, I know). I've been accepting the fact that God created me uniquely and wonderfully with my own set of needs - a need to write, a need to be alone, a need to hear the words "well done," a need to host and love on people, a need to have deep conversations and make connections. He is using the people in my life to affirm me in ways that I've never been affirmed before which is in turn (I hope!) is helping me flourish and lean into my God-given gifts and use them for His purposes. He is giving me confidence where once I was wrought with insecurity, faith to replace doubt, joy instead of depression.

Last summer I fessed up about my struggles with depression after Jack came into this world. I have nothing to hide. I want people to know my story, to see where I've been and maybe even to relate. I want other women who are in dark places to be open and share them with someone. I have been surprised to learn that vulnerability somehow draws people out. I expected airing my dirty laundry, so to speak, to push people away in search of someone who is more "stable." But no. Instead, I have had people approach me to me to THANK me for showing my cards, for being real. I am learning that life can be so rough and deep and rich and humbling and lovely all at once and I want to live each moment to the fullest. Sometimes this means feeling, really feeling deep pain. Other times this means giving the hard answer. Still other times it means shipping your kids off to grandma and grandpa's and enjoying an absolutely luxurious overnight with the sole goal of relaxing. And doing all that totally guilt free!

Our pastor preached an amazing sermon last week where he addressed the topic of caring for our bodies in the form of rest. If you are interested, you can search for it and listen to it here. It's entitled Wild Place of Rest by Richard Dahlstrom (8/16/15). As I was sitting in the pew listening, I was struck by the awesomeness of our Creator, to know us so well and care about our every intricacy, even down to making sure we take time to rest. In fact, He even commands rest of us in the form of taking a Sabbath (something I usually so totally suck at which is why my husband has to shove me OUT of the house if ever I am going to take a break). We need rest, folks. Guilt-free, God-ordained rest. We need the crazy busy voices telling us we can't take a break to HUSH-UP so we can pause and finish a thought, enjoy a sunset, read a book, savor a meal and be rejuvenated. Isn't it just the sweetest to know that our Savior desires this for us? So guilt be gone and give your tired body a break!

***(And thanks, hubs and G& G Wilson, for gifting me this moment to refresh).

Jack 22 Months

Seriously! I die looking at him.

If we have a fourth child, I am sooooo blaming Jack! Or maybe the age of 22 months. I forget how totally adorable they are when they are learning to talk. How they light up every time they see you. And how they haven't totally figured out how to disobey you yet. Yeah, he may be pacifying himself on an ink pen but STILL!

He is totally a mama's boy again. He walks over to me, reaches an arm up and says "hand" and off we go, wherever his heart desires. I am putty in his little hand when he does that to me. Now he's starting to reach over and ask for Emma's hand when we're driving too and I can hardly stand it!

I say he's a mama's boy but I should clarify that that is only the case when there isn't a grandpa in the room. Either of his grandpas trump me hands down!

I forget what age it is that kids typically start to learn to sing. Jack's been humming for quite some time now ON KEY. I dismissed it for awhile, thinking it was simply a fluke but the kid is actually starting to sing and learn some tunes. Sometimes he'll sit down to the piano and even plunk out something musical. We had company recently and I heard the piano going in the other room and assumed it was one of the adults because it sounded remarkably song-like. Turns out, it was Jack Attack. Who knew?

Speaking of music, I captured this video of him the other day and I've watched it like 20 times already. I feel like it encapsulates his little personality so well - a mixture of adorable, fun and spunky with a little bit of musicality thrown in there too.

I am excited to report that my kid who used to avoid all things green (even green grapes!) is expanding his repertoire. He know will munch on cucumbers, carrots, kale chips and the occasional tomato or bell pepper. His favorite foods are definitely granola, apples, pasta and red grapes (which he calls "bapes"). He wants to be a big boy at meals and is sitting in his own seat now on most days. He drinks from an open cup whenever he can and eats dessert WHENEVER it is served. These third borns...man! They don't miss a beat!

Jack adores dogs, his binky, playing with his sisters, riding the tricycle in the garage, opening and closing and starting the microwave, pushing chairs all over the house to reach sinks, light switches and counters, eating cookies, opening and the freezer and handing me things, and seeing me when he first wakes in the morning.

If you could all have yourself a Jack, I would highly recommend it!

Isla 71 Months

This month I'm going to keep things short and sweet. I have a couple little stories to share about her that represent her sweet personality to a tee. We've just concluded an incredible 2 1/2 weeks of hosting extended family. Our household literally doubled to 10 members for the past 17 nights and this girl couldn't have been happier. This morning, after we bid them farewell at the airport and sent them on their way to their next adventure in Bangladesh, Isla dissolved into tears in the back seat of the van. She is the most tenderhearted of souls and couldn't bear the thought of not seeing her dear cousins for two years. The tears were flowing for me as well when she intuitively asked, "Why weren't they as sad to leave us as we were to see them go?" More directly, I think my sweet girl was trying to process the situation was wondered how some members of the group managed to maintain dry eyes. 

This sparked an excellent conversation about how people experience and process emotions differently - how some people hurt more on the inside while others, like us, wear our emotions on our sleeves. I explained that our guests' dry eyes were not an indicator of their depth of love and "miss" for us. Outward appearances can be so deceiving. After our conversation, my sweet Isla understood and it was so precious to watch the situation play out before me - to recognize her need to be loved and missed and for her emotions to be validated. I'm so proud of the emotionally intelligent girl she is becoming!

This month has been jam-packed and crazy and it's been neat to watch my little energizer bunny thrive at all things social. She can transition from one social setting to the next without even blinking, leaving her introverted mama in awe. Because of all the activity this month, I made a very intentional effort to spend some one on one time with Isla while our guests were here. While the younger two were getting ready for bed one evening, I surprised her and told her to put on her biking shoes and come with me. She was elated and we had the best time exercising together - her on her bike and me in my running shoes. She couldn't stop saying how fun it was to be out spending time with her mama. She totally creamed me on her bike too. Afterwards, we went to Target and armed with a list, we completed her school supply shopping. There literally could have been no better date for this girly and I am so happy to have her in my life, teaching me new things every day.