Waiting

Oh how I love these two! I've been struck many times this week by the fact that I just adore my kids and am honored that they call me Mom. Sometimes I still can't believe they are mine to love and care for. But so often I spend my time dwelling on why my life is hard (Umm really? In the big scheme of things, I don't think so...), that I don't have enough or this or that, living in the land of "if onlys." 

We've played hard this summer, cramming it full of trips and fun activities and now this month presents us with a more open schedule than we've had in 4 years. I'll admit that at times this unscheduled-ness makes me panic. We should be DOING something. ACCOMPLISHING something. MOVING FORWARD toward something. But I think the more I ponder these urges, the more I realize that for me in particular, sometimes God is just calling me to rest and wait. It's been a rather silent month. Though applications have been submitted, there have been no phone calls (until today but that's another story!) I would love to know what's next - where Graham will be working, where we'll be living, what the next year is going to look like. I want to know all this so I can dive in. But I'm learning to wait. And, believe it or not, I'm actually learning to lean into the unknown. What I want most is to be led, to be called into this next season with an unquestionable directness from God. I am feeling my hands opening, my willingness increasing. And this is a very good thing, a good thing I can credit to God and God alone. I think I can honestly say I don't have a strong preference where we end up, as long as we are fully confident it is where God wants us. 

Ironically enough, I didn't even finish this post before I remembered there was laundry in the dryer to be folded. And so I jumped up and did it and am I only now back to blogging because I am at a Dr's appointment and he's running behind. So I guess I have more to learn about waiting and sitting still. But I'm trying.