Stay-At-Home Mama!

I'm supposed to leave in 20 minutes but tomorrow is a big day and I needed to claim just a few minutes for myself to write and process. I've been writing and re-writing posts on this topic in my head for days but every time I have a "free" moment, the idea of attempting to pen my thoughts into words leaves me feeling exhausted. So I've practiced avoidance. Now I'm sitting on the eve of my last night as a working mama and I've gotta get it out there so I'm opting for the spontaneous, off-the-cuff unedited version. We'll see how it goes...

Sunday marked my NINE year anniversary as a clinical dietitian in the newborn intensive care unit where I am currently employed. When I see that number in writing, I really can't wrap my mind around it. How I really been working at my job for nearly a decade? Time flies when you're having fun. Or when you're having babies. Lots of babies. At the close of my shift tomorrow, I will officially be leaving my part-time position and moving into an on-call role where I work an occasional day here and there when others are on vacation. I have very, very mixed feelings about this and there is most definitely a knot in my stomach as I type. I am elated to have a supportive husband with a good job that is making all this possible. I mean, it's really the reason he went back to school in the first place - to advance to a place where he could support our family financially without having to rely on my income. 

But now that it's here, we've both had our moments of second-guessing. In some senses, the timing feels crazy. We just bought a house that was beyond our budget. Our home still has some major fix-it needs that comes with large dollar signs. Our living room is unfurnished. Our downstairs echos like a cathedral with the lack of decor to absorb the sounds of screaming children.

But yet, I feel this urge, this challenge, to step out in faith and do something brave, something that I've been scared to do for years. I never intended to work after having kids. Then I CERTAINLY didn't intend to work when I had TWO kids. For sure I would quit after having a third. And here I am with my third born rapidly approached his 2nd birthday, still working. A small voice has been squeaking in my ear for quite a while now, telling me it is time. I've shushed it so many times with my what ifs and buts. We've been living a pretty comfortable life and the new "us" is going to involve some penny-pinching and most definitely a whole lot of I-need-to-get-out-of-here frazzled mama nerves.

So pray with us will you? The adventure starts tomorrow!