Doozy Days

I have a confession to make. Last night, I inhaled 2 packages of my kids' Skittles in no greater than two minutes time. And then I made chocolate chip cookie dough with no intention of ever baking it into cookies. After a few spoonfuls, I scooped some into a bowl of vanilla ice cream and devoured it and then went back AGAIN for seconds. It was not my most beautiful moment. My husband came home at 9:30 PM to find his wife in a sugar-binge-turned-stomachache, writhing on the couch in deep regret. This, my friends, is what I call stress eating.

We have had some real doozy days over here! It has gotten to the point where I find myself absolutely dreading the minutes from 3:40 PM onward. The tasks expected of me during the after school hours feel insurmountable and it's 3 against one, and the party with the majority is definitely winning. Yesterday felt pretty epic but not all that usual unfortunately. The oldest seems to have blown a fuse and her behavior has turned extremely emotional and explosive. The middle child is desperately trying to hold her own, both physically and in volume of sound. I worry about the integrity of our house because it's parts are surely being put up to the test. The baby is coy and smooth and knows just how to get all up in his sisters' hair. He is also learning lots of really cool words that no 2 year old under my roof has ever uttered, thanks to his name-calling models. I'm telling you, it feels like a mad house sometimes.

My "list" for the afternoon and evening really doesn't seem like all that much when written out:

-put away shoes, coat, backpack and lunch bag

-do homework

-make and eat dinner

-read together

-bed

Simple, right? But it is like pulling teeth, getting these 5 things happen. I told my husband yesterday that I would rather load everyone in the car and plunge our way into rush hour traffic and cruise our way around the city for 2 hours than be at home "doing life" the way it has been going down recently. And you think I'm kidding. I might actually try this next week. I feel like being under our roof during the afternoon hours is downright toxic. I'm trying so hard, you guys. But there has GOT to be a better way. I absolutely cannot sustain this. 

I know my oldest is tired. She did so well at the beginning that I thought we were in the clear but I'm sure the long hours of the school day are probably just catching up to her. I know her challenging behavior is simply an indicator of an unmet need. It's just so hard to feel like I am pulling out every ounce I've got in my reserves and attempting to pour it into her only to have her reject it or claim it isn't enough. I used to "help" her with homework remotely from the kitchen island while attempting to cook dinner. She would call me over when she had a question and I would come peek over her shoulder and answer. I was available but not present. She made it clear that this was not working for her when she one day informed me that I "was not filling her bucket." Dagger to the heart!!! She even knows all the terms to really get the mom guilt going. From that point on, I've made an intentional effort to sit right next to her while she does her homework. And now things are worse. Her homework assignment, which literally should take no more than 5 minutes has turned into a sitcom-length saga with much wailing and gnashing of teeth. The past few days, I have ended up sending her to her room multiple times each day to calm down until she is able to talk to me without whining and being disrespectful. 

It's always something. Last night she was inconsolable because her 1st grader teacher makes her hold her pencil a certain way that is different than the way her Kindergarten teacher taught her. And she likes holding it the Kindergarten way because it reminds her of Kindergarten. And if she stops doing that than she will have nothing to remind her of her beloved Kindergarten teacher... And on and on. And on. And on. I've been reading the books, y'all, so I dug real deep and showered her with a great deal of empathy. For as long as I could. We got no where. On a whim, I grabbed a napkin and drew the little cartoon pictured above, a bare bones illustration of her as the stick figure on one side of the stream and the finish line waiting for her on the other. The only way across the river is via the stepping stones. And none of them can be skipped. I told her how the first stone was the way they told her to write in Kindergarten, And now she is in first grade, they are taking what she learned and building on it and challenging her to do things she couldn't have done in Kindergarten. Well. I thought it was pretty genius. But........her homework was still sitting unfinished on the kitchen table when I got up this morning. Annnnnnnnd I stuffed my face with crap last night. So, I guess that probably tells you how it went.

Uggg. I feel at my wits end. And I only told you about a tiny 20 minute window from one afternoon this week. I spared you all the other stories of the tantrums, screaming matches and goings on with all the children that have made me feel downright twitchy and ready to lose my ever loving mind. I say all this not just to whine and complain but because I am convinced THERE HAS GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY! I am not the kind of person to give up and surrender to a this is how it is I guess mentality. I am COMMITTED to making afternoons over here better. Somehow.