Having Decorated

Today we took on the massive task of trimming the tree and putting up Christmas decorations. It pains me to even type that sentence, for fear I sound so completely bah humbug that you all write me off as a total party pooper. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE having decorated for Christmas. The twinkling lights. The red and green. The smell of a fresh cut tree. But the actual process of decorating? It really isn't my thing. 

In so many ways, I have loosened up over the years. Like for instance, take last night when I agreed with 98% willingness to run off to McLendon's Hardware at 6:30 PM and select a tree under the cover of pitch darkness. We could see next to nothing beyond the height of the tree options before us and I honestly didn't really care. I think we took home the third tree we touched. Short, sweet and simple. But still, more often than not, my perfectionist tendencies weave a gnarly web of high expectations and a desire for things to be just so. It makes me a tough cookie to live with, this I know. But you can also ask my husband if you want.

So last night my husband requested that today we have a "nice relaxing breakfast together" with tree decorating to follow. And then after "relaxing" as we trimmed the tree, we would rush off, *cough* I mean head out, dressed and beautiful to meet my brother-in-law at a park for a family photo shoot. As it turns out, I don't really do "nice and relaxing" followed by "dressed and beautiful" within the same 2 hour window. I summarized our morning on social media as follows::

"Ok all you peeps with kids: let's keep this Christmas decorating thing real. Despite any beautiful pictures we might post of a glowing tree or lovely mantle, let's remember that, behind the scenes, decorations were flying out of boxes in all directions, ornaments were shattering, breakfast dishes were still on the table, only 1 of our strands of lights were 100% functional and we ended up taping our star to the top of the tree. And meanwhile, mom was having a panic attack in the corner."

  So yeah. This whole changing out seasonal decorations thing? It's not really my jam. But as I began to ponder it all, I realized so many things are not enjoyable in the process. I don't enjoy decorating but I love having decorated. I don't always enjoy running but I love having run. Heaven knows I don't always enjoy parenting, but I love having parented. Are you catching my drift?

 The process of doing is typically messy and confusing and even painful. It can be tempting to throw our hands up and concede - to say darn it all to the tree this year, or to slow our run to a walk or to surrender to yelling at our kids instead of finding another way. The doing. It's the nit and grit. It's what's hard. But without it, there is no having done. I can tell you all this all day and all night but the person who probably needs to hear it most is yours truly. I almost always celebrate the outcome. But it's the process that about kills me. I long to get to a place where I can also enjoy the undertaking. Or maybe more realistically, even just enjoy parts of it. To be able to press pause amidst the chaos, take a deep breath, see the beauty in the crazy and then continue in forward motion. 

Then once it's all over, we can make the glorious claim to HAVE DONE something! We can step back and smile as we reminisce and think about how truly hysterical it was that our husband scotch-taped the star to the top of the tree. And celebrate that our response to the precious ornament shattering was a simple "It's OK, accidents happen" and not something worse. And we can truly see the delight on our kids' faces as they dance around the tree exclaiming "This is the most fun ever!" And of course we can stand witness to the beauty of a job well done.

 I didn't start off very well today, but I'd like to think I am finishing strong. The process so often makes us question the endevour but, in the end, it is usually worth it.