Back post: Weeks 6 and 7

***The following post was written before we "went public," on ~Jan 20th. I wanted to be sure I had this stuff documented as I'm sure the baby brain will hit soon and these details will never be remembered again....

The nausea hit with full force on January 4th, one day shy of being 6 weeks pregnant. Isn't it too easy for this!? Graham was thrilled when I gave him the report of my queasy state I guess it's because it was an indicator to him that our wee one is alive and thriving. I, on the other hand, was not quite as excited about the whole bit. Man oh man, I forgot what this felt like. I must say that at least I don't have a cold this time around. I remember last time I had a really bad cold when the morning (rather, all-day) sickness hit and it was just miserable. I couldn't take anything and I felt horrible. I think I had to take at least 3 days off work which was a record for me because I feel SO GUILTY missing work. Anyway, now I want to do anything but go to work.

Random food aversions and cravings have weaseled their way in with the nausea. Just the thought of coffee makes me almost lose it immediately. Oh and so do kidney beans or anything chili-like. All I want is toast with butter and garlic salt, salty chips, plain pasta with grated Parmesan, honey nut cheerios, satsumas and string cheese. I had a homemade yogurt parfait with berries and granola that really hit the spot the other day too. And thankfully ice cream still settles just fine in my belly. Oh and then there's the lemon water. Ice cold lemon water. I think I've drank the equivalent of 6 lemons in the past week alone. I like it super tart, super cold, excruciatingly lemony. This morning I woke up at 4 AM feeling quite icky, tossing and turning with no chance of falling back asleep. I got up, had a couple swigs of lemon water and I was back asleep in minutes. Who knew!? Just please don't tell my dentist. I'm sure consuming lemons at this rate is doing horrible things to my teeth. Then today, I indulged in root beer. Me drinking pop? Gasp! But it was so delicious and took the nausea right away. I told Graham this is "Crap Week" because I'm only eating crap. I know things will normalize soon and I am managing to squeeze a few "good for me" things in there. Like lemons for instance!

I had my first doctor appointment on January 10th. It was total de-ja-vu because they had me re-initial and re-date some releases that I'd signed during my first visit when I was pregnant with Isla. So weird. They were all dated January 9th, 2009, exactly 2 years and 1 day earlier. Dr H. said that we certainly are predictable! He confirmed that I'm not quite as far along as we'd initially thought which means my due date has been bumped out to August 31st, 2011 (6 days after Isla's 2nd birthday). He opted not to do any sort of examination "down there" since I just finally stopped bleeding. Hooray! I stopped bleeding! I spent almost a good week doing my best to lay low and rest and be off my feet. I'd like to think that's what did it since it was pure torture for me but maybe my hormones just finally reached a high enough level to make it stop. Anyway, he did an ultrasound using the lower-tech office machines. It took him a long while to find the baby which got my heart racing a little. I guess my uterus is just "turned up" which made it harder to locate but he found the wee speck of a baby and I even got to see the little heartbeat flashing on the screen! He gave me my first baby "picture" to take home to Graham. Woohoo! This is for real! Dr H. said I'm about 75% "in the clear" as far as miscarriage risk goes. It'll take me getting to 10 weeks for him to feel 100% confident so we're getting close!

18 Months (Isla's half birthday!)

Happy Half Birthday to Isla! We had a combined birthday/half birthday celebration with my family on February 12th where Isla got to enjoy her very first ice cream (AND oreos, AND caramel sauce, AND hot fudge....it was an ice cream cake!)

Isla now is sporting FOUR teeth! I found two more in there on February 7th, the two upper canines. So she has the 2 lower middle and then the 2 upper canines. I'm just hoping the upper middle come in soon so it doesn't look like she has fangs!!! She sure is an odd teether but we love her anyway. I'm just glad that the night wakings have (mostly) disappeared.

Isla has taken to cleaning this month. If she can get her hands on a wipe, we'll often spot her dusting the coffee table or wiping down various other pieces of furniture. We've been letting her have little bits of water in an open cup around the house and if ever she spills it, she runs to the kitchen, grabs and towel and returns to mop it up. I couldn't be more proud! :)

She also is really into closing doors and will frequently close the baby gate for us (we never have to because she always does) or she'll close open closet doors or cupboards. The only trouble with this is that lately she likes to have alone time in the downstairs bathroom. She'll go in there (with the lights off) and swing the door so it is open just a crack. Who knows what she does in there (I think she usually investigates whether there are any clothes in the wash) but occasionally she'll accidentally close herself all the way in there...

Isla's vocabulary continues to grow and grow. I can't seem to keep up with all her new words anymore. Off the top of my head, some of them include: rock-rock (said while pushing the rocking chair or swing), shoe, more, belly, color, tee (tv-usually said while holding remote and pointing it at the tv), apple, carrot, light, side (outside), sorry, owl, please, Lani, Scott, Eli, Ben and Gideon.

She even said a couple of phrases this month! We were eating dinner one night when, unprovoked, she said "More please." Then the other day I went to pick her up from my sister's and when she saw me at the door, she turned to my sister and said "Bye bye Lani!"

Isla has turned into quite the little dancer. She lots to bop her head whenever she hears music and usually exclaims "Uh oh!!" whenever the music stops. It seems as though the girl even has rhythm (which is a total answer to prayer as I wouldn't want her to dance anything like her mother...)

Isla also has this strange fascination with lying in the middle of the tile kitchen floor.

Drumroll please....discipline has begun in the Crozier household! We initiated timeouts shortly after my post on discipline and we are hopeful that they are beginning to work (????) We chose a special place along our big red living room wall to be the "time out wall." At first we had to sit Isla there and then sit right in front of her with our backs turned to keep her there. We would have to sit her back down numerous times before she would finally stay put. But I'm happy to report that it only took a couple days of doing that before she would sit and stay there, unsupervised until we told her that her time out was done. Usually she misbehaves and we say "Uh oh, that's so sad. You're going to have to have a time out" (Love and Logic). Then she sits against "the wall" and we set the timer for 1 minute. When it beeps, she'll start saying "Beep, beep, beep" too and then we go get her, tell her why she had a time out, she says sorry, we give hugs and kisses and then usually she has to go back to the kitchen to pick up the food/utensils etc that she threw on the floor (since this is the main reason she gets time outs so far). For a while there, every meal was ending in a time out but we may now be down to one meal/day that ends in a time out so I guess that's progress! But then the other day she was a complete angel during her meal and didn't throw anything. I cleaned her up and got her out of the highchair and she still went and sat herself down at the time out wall!!! I think she might think it's her meal routine now... Or there have been a couple times where I said the word time out in casual conversation and then I realized she heard me and went and sat down against the wall.

I'm not sure where she got it but Isla likes to respond to most questions by saying "Uh huh" or "Ummhmmmm." "Isla, do you want a snack?" "Uh huh." Isla, are you all done?" "Ummmhmmm." She's also really into nodding and will often nod her head to answer you.

Alas, she also picked up shaking her head and sayingt "no no no no no no" sometime last week. I tried really hard to keep her from learned the word "N-O" but we must have slipped...The great par about it (so far!) is that she isn't saying it in defiance but usually is just communicating when she really doesn't want something. I think it's sorta cute because she strings the "no"s together really fast and says them in a super sweet voice.

Isla seems to love being the center of attention. She is shy and clingy (to me mostly) at random but then becomes wild and crazy once she is comfortable. She is quite the little show-off when we have people over, running around, making silly sounds and spinning around in circles to make herself dizzy. She also started doing these fake falls where she will step up on something--usually a toy or box (or laptop if we're not careful!!!)--and then dramatically fall off and sprawl herself across the floor. Then she giggles and laughs and does it all over. What a goof! I've come to realize that clothes inhibit her. Strip her down to her diaper and she goes extra crazy! Graham and I often look at her and wonder "Where on earth did you come from!?" as neither of us are really the super, energetic, life-of-the-party types.

Isla is starting to be able to identify body parts. She can find her nose, mouth, teeth, ears, eyes, belly, neck, hair, feet/toes and hands (most of the time). It's fun to quiz her and watch her mind work!

 

As I mentioned in a prior post, we have finally completed our transition to one nap a day! Graham successfully figured out the perfect routine when he watched her while I'll worked the weekend. Now she is taking 2-4 hour mid-day naps in place of the former AM and afternoon naps.

Isla's favorite foods right now are PASTA, yogurt, oranges and grapefruit, cheese, milk and bread. Broccoli is one of the few veggies she'll eat all on her own but she also has been eating some cooked carrots and frozen peas. I try to mix veggies into her pasta dishes but she's gotten pretty good at picking them out and eating only the pasta. I even add chopped, shredded carrot to her quesadillas sometimes since she doesn't like eating plain vegetables. We've started telling her that she can have more of whatever she wants (usually pasta!) only after she eats a bite or two of whatever the offending food is on her tray. It's working for the most part but she sure can be stubborn sometimes (it's a good thing I am too but sometimes it's hard to hold my ground!)

20 days until St Patrick's Day...

...which means it's 20 days until I get to spend three whole days with my honey. I seriously cannot wait! It has been a surprisingly busy quarter for Graham despite the minimal class time (he only has to go to class 3 times!) but this means LOTS of out of class work. The quarter ends March 12th for him (as far as I know...) so I'm hoping he will be able to fully relax and enjoy our time together in a few weeks.

What are we going to do? I know you've been dying to ask! Well, initially the whole ordeal was supposed to be a surprise for me. But Graham and I were both home one afternoon doing respective "work" on our computers. Graham muttered something about needing to "do something upstairs" and disappeared for about 20 minutes. Ding! My computer beeped to let me know I had a new email so of course, I looked at it. I only read as far as the subject line which said:

"Purchased: Unforgettable Night in Friday Harbor."

Oops! I don't think I was supposed to see that. Unfortunately, there seems to be a little glitch in Graham's Living Social account (like Groupon for all of you who are not in-the-know) and any purchase notifications are sent to my email address. I probably could have pretended I didn't see it but by this point I was bursting with excitement and curiosity and so Graham filled me in on at least our first days' activities.

We plan to meet my parents up north to drop Isla off and then head for the ferry early Thursday morning. We get to spend one night in a 3rd-floor, harbor-view room at the Friday Harbor House where we will be welcomed by a bottle of wine (which unfortunately I can't partake in) and homemade truffles! The room has a large soaking tub AND a fireplace so at least we'll be warm if the weather is frightful. The package includes a $50 dining credit toward the Inn's restaurant where we can indulge in dishes like Truffled Chestnut Ravioli with sherry cream sauce and carrot chips or Duck Confit with potato dumplings, winter squash puree, toasted pumpkin seeds and fried sage. Sounds delish to me!

The next night of our little stay-cation remains a secret to me but I think I have a pretty good idea where we are going. I've heard the words prenatal massage dropped a couple of times so I'm pretty pumped!

TIME : My new best friend!

Finally, this past week, we successfully transitioned Isla to one nap a day. I cannot even begin to tell you how thrilled I am with this new schedule!!! But I shall try nonetheless.

I literally have not had this much time to myself in 18 months. Oh it is such a breath of fresh air!!!! I have found myself completely lost this week with my new-found 3 to 4 hour stretches of time alone. It's almost like I've forgotten what I used to do with my free time. Almost. Graham is encouraging me NOT to feel guilty about taking a break during naps. He wants me to go back to some of the things that I once loved to do. My mind is racing--I could make pasta from scratch again! I could start a sewing project! I could read books for fun! I could blog! The options are almost endless and I'm pretty excited about it if you couldn't tell already. It used to be that I'd get Isla down, finish cleaning up dishes or whatever chore I was in the middle of, race to take a shower, get dressed and do my hair only to hear Isla waking in the next room. Shoot. So much for "alone" time. But now....

Well actually, so far this week my 3 hour segments have been quite dull. I haven't been feeling the greatest so I've been doing a lot of laying around and munching on bon bons (ok, the latter isn't entirely true but the foods that have been sounding good are complete JUNK). I've read some chapters in my parenting books, snoozed and watched season 7 of Project Runway (one of my latest obsessions and a good part of the reason sewing sounds so appealing).

But soon, I hope I shall be feeling better and will be able to maximize nap time and satisfy the crafty side me! I'm wanting to create something for the kids' room but I can't quite figure out what. The nursery is going to need a makeover in order to have space enough for TWO beds and a dresser (and maybe a rocker?) I never really felt like we finished it with Isla so I'm hoping to make it feel more complete this time around. It could use some shelving, toy storage and something crafty to feminize at least Isla's side since we never did get around to adding pink like we said we would....ideas?

The Back Story....continued

My nurse from the OB office called back early the next morning (December 23rd). My HCG level was 225 which she said was good and more or less "fit" with my calculations that I was 5 weeks along. Phew. But then came the bad news: my progesterone was 12.8 which was much below the desired goal of 20. At this level, my miscarriage risk was 40-50%. Another possibility was that this pregnancy could be ectopic. She wanted me to start Prometrium (a plant-based source of progesterone), which has been deemed safe in pregnancy, and then repeat my blood work on Monday, December 26th. Her goal was that my progesterone level would double every 48 hr initially to get me back into the normal range. She instructed me to stay off my feet and watch out for any heavy bleeding or one-sided pain. If I were to experience either of these over the Christmas weekend, I was to go to the ER immediately, tell them I'm pregnant and request an ultrasound. Perfect. Just how I'd been dreaming of spending Christmas in Bellingham.

I was sort of in a daze; it all feels like a blur. I managed to ask the nurse the plaguing question: "Will taking the Prometrium preserve a pregnancy that shouldn't be, that my body is naturally trying to get rid of?" I dreaded her answer but was somewhat relieved (although that feels like the wrong word) to hear that if I was going to lose this baby, I would lose the baby. I also asked whether my progesterone was low when I was pregnant with Isla since I had also experienced some spotting to a milder degree with her. No, it had been just fine. Normally, being that I'm in the medical field, I would have researched Prometrium a little bit to make sure I was comfortable with the pros and cons. But this time, I didn't even think twice. I filled the prescription and started taking it.

On top of my progesterone issues, the nurse informed me that my thyroid hormones were off (my TSH was 3.91 with goal being <2.5, my T4 was fine at 1.2). This was not entirely surprising to me given that I consider myself "hormonally challenged" in general. I considered it a miracle that I made it through my pregnancy with Isla without having to increase my thyroid medication dose. This time around, I wasn't going to be so lucky. An new prescription for an even higher dose of thyroid meds was called in.

We proceeded on with our Christmas plans and headed up to Bellingham, attempting to act as if all was normal. I wanted to tell my family the news since I wasn't sure how on earth I'd lay around all weekend (basically modified bedrest) and let them chase Isla around without them wondering why I was being such a lazy bum. Graham, however, wanted to wait and so covered for me by stepping up and helping out with meal prep/clean up while I casually laid around. I was SO EXHAUSTED and went as far as to attempt a nap one day which I later found out, as I expected, totally blew my cover. My mom just doesn't miss a beat! Thankfully she didn't ask questions.

I attempted to enjoy Christmas festivities but I'll admit with subdued excitement. It was sort of like I had this lingering black cloud over my head. I wanted to be excited. I wanted to celebrate. But I remained reserved. On the 26th, we headed down to Pullayup for an extended family celebration at my aunt and uncle's. We spent the night (since we were en route to Oregon the next day) and so I had my OB call in my repeat blood tests orders to a lab down there so as not to ruin our travel plans. I woke up super early to sneak off to get my blood drawn before any of the rest of the family woke up to ask questions.

The week felt eternal with so much waiting! The results finally came back on December 29th: my HCG had climbed nicely to 3281 and my progesterone was now in a normal range at 31.5!! I think we both breathed huge sighs of relief. My nurse asked if I wanted to do another repeat test to make sure everything was trending in the right direction but we declined. She reminded me again to stay off my feet until the bleeding stopped and then said we could call if we had any other concerns.

January 3rd rolled around and I was still bleeding. At this point, I'd been spotting on and off since December 17th, nearly 2 1/2 weeks prior. I decided I'd best call my doctor just to let him know that the bleeding continued despite my now-normal progesterone. Ha! "Just to let them know...." Of course rather than brushing it off, this elicited a whole flurry of activity and phone calls. They wanted me to go immediately to Overlake Hospital for an urgent, walk-in ultrasound. Thankfully, Graham was working so I just called him and asked him to come down to imaging to be with Isla and I. I needed his support, but I didn't want him to miss seeing our baby for the first time. First the ultrasound tech looked at and measure my kidneys and other organs (which seemed to take FOREVER!) Finally, after a bit of nerve-rattling searching, she located my uterus. In it was a tiny little spot with very faint flashing--a baby with a heartbeat!!!!! Hooray!!!! She also mentioned seeing a yolk sac and commented that the baby was measuring about a week younger than the 6 1/2 wk dates that we'd calculated.

I received a call later in the day stating that the radiologist had read the ultrasound as completely normal and that they could find no obvious reason for the spotting. More good news!! We hoped and prayed that the whole scare would soon be behind us and that a perfectly healthy baby was growing inside....

Turns out, I only get pregnant in December (i.e. the back story)

I've come to the conclusion that these kinds of things never happen the way you imagine. I thought for sure that the next time I discovered I was pregnant, it would be a 100% joy-filled, jump-up-and-down-with-excitement kind of experience. And actually it sort of was for the first half hour. Graham was at work and I'd taken a pregnancy test earlier in the week only to have it come up negative. Now it was December 22nd and we were leaving for Bellingham in the morning to begin Christmas celebrations. But I just had this feeling. The day before, I'd been sitting on the couch a 3 PM and thought to myself, "I could fall asleep right now! I think I need a nap." I should have known right then and there because I do not nap. Period.

So I got up when Graham got up for work, stumbled into the kitchen and mumbled some lie about "needing a drink" when he asked me why I was up (he'd strictly forbidden me from taking any more tests). Then I ran back up to the bathroom, locked the door and took another test. One pink line. Sigh. "I'd thought for sure...weird. Wait, is that a faint second line? Or is that just the faint outline of where it should be if it were there? I don't remember being able to see that when I took previous tests. Maybe buying tests from the Dollar Store was not the best idea?" I kept telling myself "Negative is negative, you'll just be disappointed if you keep taking these tests." 

And so began my Thursday, a supposedly boring Thursday. But I just knew. So Isla and I ran some last minute errands which included a quick stop at Fred Meyer for a more name-brand test, ya know, just to be sure. I figured I'd buy one last fool-proof test that would report the results as either "pregnant" or "not pregnant" and put the issue to rest. After treating myself to a cup of half caff and a walk along the Kirkland waterfront, we went home so Isla could nap and I could "just make sure."

I took the test and continued my preparations to hop in the shower. I made myself not look at the test until I was sure it was finished, but only made it a minute before I couldn't bear it anymore. I glance up. Pregnant! Squealing and shrieking and exclamations of "I knew it!!" commenced and continued throughout the day. I am a more firm believer now than ever in that saying "A mother always knows." It's true. She does know.

I was SO excited! I had it all planned out in my head how I was going to tell Graham and it was going to coincide perfectly with Christmas. But then I had my first negative test and was heartbroken. I spent a good chunk of the weekend prior sobbing to Graham that my plans had been ruined. I was so disappointed.

But now, ha! I could still go with my original plan! I got to work immediately, writing little rhymes and creating a revised version of Isla's Dr Seuss book entitled "Summer."

I'd already phoned my OB to set up my first appointment but my in excitement, I'd forgotten about the main purpose of my call: to ask about the spotting. I called again and requested that the nurse call me back. I'd been spotting for 6 days now and initially thought it was my period, which led us to believe I wasn't pregnant (though I still took a test to be sure). I sort of thought the nurse would dismiss it and tell me it was likely implantation bleeding but I should have known better.

When she returned my call, deja vu set in. I'd been through this same, scary process multiple times with Isla. She wanted me to get my blood drawn immediately. She suspected my progesterone level was low which, left untreated, can result in miscarriage. She wanted me off my feet and resting until 3-4 days after the bleeding stopped. My heart sunk. Please no, not this again! The news of pregnancy is supposed to be joyful, not filled with anxiety and fear. I debated whether or not to call Graham but opted not to share the news over the phone while he was trying to finish his last 12 hour shift before Christmas vacation. Plus, I had my little plan.

When Isla awoke from her afternoon nap, I whisked her into the car for a trip to the lab. I wondered if I should have left her with a friend but wasn't sure how I'd explain my reasoning for needing a sitter without spilling the beans. Thankfully, she sat quietly in her stroller through the whole ordeal, watching as her mommy lay on the table to have what seemed like gallons of blood sucked from her arm. It baffles me why they have to take so much blood. I tried to decline some of the tests (like for the STDs) but my doctor's office said I'd have to have them later if I didn't do it now. I knew that wasn't true and that they were saying that to pressure me and this time just I gave in. This blood draw was the part of pregnancy that I was least looking forward to. It was pretty traumatic when I was pregnant with Isla and I almost passed out. Needless to say, I was dreading it. Looking back on it, I wonder why I was so worried. I distracted myself by telling the phlebotomist the whole story of how I just found out today and that my husband doesn't know yet etc etc.

The rest of the day seemed to drag by. There were moments of fear and worry and then moments where I'd jump up and down and shriek "I'm pregnant!!!!" to a confused little Isla. When Graham finally arrived home, he went upstairs to change. I'd set up a hidden video camera which I turned on as he was coming back downstairs. I told him that I'd changed my mind and I didn't want him to open all his Christmas presents on Christmas day; there was one that I wanted him to open now. We sat on the couch and I could tell he was nervous. He said he could feel my heart pounding in my chest and I thought for sure he'd figured out what was going on.

He was a bit confused when he unwrapped Isla's familiar board book but I instructed him to read it aloud to me. He told me afterward that he thought it was going to be a creative way of presenting him concert tickets for a show that was taking place in the summer months. The rhymes on the first few pages hinted at my prior pregnancy cravings: watermelon and Costco frozen yogurt. Then he turned to the page that read "Summer brings us birthdays galore. Why don't we go ahead and add one more?"

"What! When did this happen? Were you faking it the whole time?" He was referring to the week prior when I'd taken a test only to have it come up negative. I was so disappointed and shed many tears, mourning the fact that Isla and our 2nd born would now be more than 2 years apart, that my plan for how I was going to tell him would no longer work (because a pregnancy just a month later meant our baby would no longer be born in summer), wondering if there was something wrong with my thyroid that was making it take longer this time around. He had spent a good while comforting me and telling me it would all be ok. He also knew I'd been spotting all week. Now he was wondering if I'd been acting the whole time.

I told him it'd all happened today but that there were a few hiccups. I'd already called the doctor and they sent me for blood tests. "We should know the results tomorrow." With reserved excitement, we dreamt about the future as we sat in front of the Christmas tree. It was surreal!

"Get out of jail free" card

I was joking around with Graham yesterday that while he's in grad school, we both get lots of "Get out of jail free" cards when it comes to birthdays and holidays, particularly the romantic ones like Valentine's Day. It just seems like these holidays sneak up on us out of nowhere without warning and definitely in the absence of spare time to invest in planning something major. This year in particular has been challenging. Christmas came to an end (just as our new baby adventure was starting) and then came Graham's half birthday, close behind. Friday night was my half birthday followed immediately by Valentines Day. Oh and then our anniversary is in a month. Phew! We've let the holidays kind of slide by without a lot of hoop-la which is sort of bittersweet for me.

Alas, I am an oober-romantic through the through. I love all the red, sappy, chocolate, flowers, whipped cream, lovey-dovey-ness that comes along with February 14th. But then take a look at a snapshot of our week last week:

Sunday--we were involved in the music at both AM worship services at church, hosted a superbowl party
Monday--Graham worked a 12 hr shift, I hung out with Isla all day
Tuesday--Graham worked an 8 hr shift then came home to start paper, I had MOPS & and OB appt
Wednesday--Graham worked an 8, came home to work on paper while I watched Gideon & Isla for 10 hr
Thursday--I worked an 8 hr shift, Graham worked a 12 and then came home to write paper
Friday--I worked an 8, Graham a 12 and then came home to work on paper
Saturday--Graham got up early to finish paper then went to 8 hr class

Enough of the boring, gory details but you get the point! Not a lot of time in there for planning romance. Hence our conversation about getting out of "jail" free (please realize I use this phrase mostly in jest--I'm NOT as high maintenance as you might be led to believe!) I worry that we're going to grow so accustomed to not doing much for these holidays during the grad school years; that we'll never get back to the "old" days where I would wake up in the morning to find a dozen roses, each placed inside a glass coke bottle "vase," assembled together in a wicker basket with a sweet love letter. Or when I would get Graham up before dawn, grab our breakfast picnic of homemade, heart-shaped scones with raspberry jam and cocoa, and go watch the sunrise (which, by the way, would never rise because it is ALWAYS cloudy on February 14th). I love that sort of stuff and deep down, if I'm honest, I must admit that it's important to me. However, I say this will full knowledge of the phase we are in and know that it too will pass.

So today I'm digging deep for some spare energy (I know it's in there somewhere!) and doing my best to bring back the romance. Isla and I just returned from West 4 where we surprised Graham at work with his very favorite pie and a visit from his girls.

We're looking forward to the rest of the day too! :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Good morning world and a Happy Valentine's Day to all! Hope everyone is finding fun little ways to celebrate today. Even though it was just Isla and I home this morning, I still felt the need to make a pancake in the shape of a heart to make the holiday special. My big boy Valentine is working today but I have a few surprises in store for him complete with a gourmet evening-in after he gets home tonight so it should be a great day. We plan to go out for dinner on Wednesday too, since dinner out is my favorite treat. It's a win-win because by delaying our celebration, we'll avoid insanely-packed restaurants and over-priced "special" Valentine's Day menus tonight.

Anyway, I haven't been blogging much lately because, well, I've been a bit preoccupied. And I figured my subject matter would be a bit boring, not to mention completely monotonous if I shared what I've been really feeling:

"Today I feel like puking."
"I'm so nauseous right now I could die."
"Blehhhhhh!"

Etc, etc. So if case you haven't caught my drift (or watched the video in the previous post or followed me on Facebook), WE ARE PREGNANT!! And we are so excited about it (despite the negative-sounding quotes above). More details will follow on upcoming posts but for now, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

A belated Christmas video

McAuliffe Park

Yesterday was another gorgeous day so we spent the afternoon at McAuliffe Park, one of Kirkland's oldest homesteads. The park has plenty of grass to run around in, a barn, windmill, public gardens and a play area. I love just sitting back and watching Isla's little personality emerge. She was quite the explorer! There was not a mole hole or dirt patch that she didn't stomp through. She literally would do everything possible to get off the grass and into the dirt, even if it meant changing directions completely. Honestly, I could have been entertained by watching her all day. She's such a crack up! All this makes me wonder if there isn't just a hint of tomboy under those girlish little curls.



More thoughts on motherhood

Last night was one of those nights where my heart just swelled to the brim with love for my sweet Isla. I was snuggling with her under a blanket in the rocker and reading bedtime stories and singing songs. I couldn't help but think "Seriously, could this get any better?" The irony in it all was that not 10 minutes earlier, I'd been placing her in front of "the wall" for a time out after yet another dinner ended in intentional food throwing. The way she clings to me for a hug and kisses after a little session in the corner both breaks my heart and mends it completely. This mothering thing rocks my world.

Graham and I had some spontaneous catch-up time on Saturday night that was apparently much-needed and it meant a lot to me. We had friends staying with us for the weekend but they were out visiting another couple and so some alone time randomly materialized after Isla went to bed. I reached for the laptop to catch up on the rest of the world (i.e. log into Facebook) but immediately slapped it closed again when Graham said he needed to cuddle. (For those of you who are worried and about to stop reading, fret not, this ordeal was entirely PG). We talked about how we were feeling about life, what was concerning us, what was hard and what was good. I was caught off guard when a whole mess of emotions bubbled to the surface, emotions that I'd unknowingly been keeping bottled within.

This man is my very best friend and I couldn't ask for a better guy for me! He cares so deeply about every aspect of my life and has had nothing but encouraging things to say about my mothering skills. It has been such a journey already and I feel as though I have grown immensely as a person over the last 2 years. I am definitely learning a lot about myself and would like to think the process is making me more well-rounded (if nothing else, Graham said it has made me more relaxed--halelujah!). It has been joyful and jolting, wonderful and wearing. I realize I am not the first to experience these times of transition and growth. I'm having a really hard time putting this into words but sometimes it seems so weird to me that women everywhere will go through these exact same (or some variation of the same) experiences that I now face. That they too will have to go through highs and lows to get to the point where they will look back and realize "this was hard but really, really good."

I am so thankful for all that God is teaching me, for His provision when it feels like life is nuts, for those precious moments when I look at my daughter and can't help but cry because I just love her so much. And for my adoring husband who knows me better than anyone. I feel so very richly blessed.