More thoughts on motherhood

Last night was one of those nights where my heart just swelled to the brim with love for my sweet Isla. I was snuggling with her under a blanket in the rocker and reading bedtime stories and singing songs. I couldn't help but think "Seriously, could this get any better?" The irony in it all was that not 10 minutes earlier, I'd been placing her in front of "the wall" for a time out after yet another dinner ended in intentional food throwing. The way she clings to me for a hug and kisses after a little session in the corner both breaks my heart and mends it completely. This mothering thing rocks my world.

Graham and I had some spontaneous catch-up time on Saturday night that was apparently much-needed and it meant a lot to me. We had friends staying with us for the weekend but they were out visiting another couple and so some alone time randomly materialized after Isla went to bed. I reached for the laptop to catch up on the rest of the world (i.e. log into Facebook) but immediately slapped it closed again when Graham said he needed to cuddle. (For those of you who are worried and about to stop reading, fret not, this ordeal was entirely PG). We talked about how we were feeling about life, what was concerning us, what was hard and what was good. I was caught off guard when a whole mess of emotions bubbled to the surface, emotions that I'd unknowingly been keeping bottled within.

This man is my very best friend and I couldn't ask for a better guy for me! He cares so deeply about every aspect of my life and has had nothing but encouraging things to say about my mothering skills. It has been such a journey already and I feel as though I have grown immensely as a person over the last 2 years. I am definitely learning a lot about myself and would like to think the process is making me more well-rounded (if nothing else, Graham said it has made me more relaxed--halelujah!). It has been joyful and jolting, wonderful and wearing. I realize I am not the first to experience these times of transition and growth. I'm having a really hard time putting this into words but sometimes it seems so weird to me that women everywhere will go through these exact same (or some variation of the same) experiences that I now face. That they too will have to go through highs and lows to get to the point where they will look back and realize "this was hard but really, really good."

I am so thankful for all that God is teaching me, for His provision when it feels like life is nuts, for those precious moments when I look at my daughter and can't help but cry because I just love her so much. And for my adoring husband who knows me better than anyone. I feel so very richly blessed.