Turns out, I only get pregnant in December (i.e. the back story)

I've come to the conclusion that these kinds of things never happen the way you imagine. I thought for sure that the next time I discovered I was pregnant, it would be a 100% joy-filled, jump-up-and-down-with-excitement kind of experience. And actually it sort of was for the first half hour. Graham was at work and I'd taken a pregnancy test earlier in the week only to have it come up negative. Now it was December 22nd and we were leaving for Bellingham in the morning to begin Christmas celebrations. But I just had this feeling. The day before, I'd been sitting on the couch a 3 PM and thought to myself, "I could fall asleep right now! I think I need a nap." I should have known right then and there because I do not nap. Period.

So I got up when Graham got up for work, stumbled into the kitchen and mumbled some lie about "needing a drink" when he asked me why I was up (he'd strictly forbidden me from taking any more tests). Then I ran back up to the bathroom, locked the door and took another test. One pink line. Sigh. "I'd thought for sure...weird. Wait, is that a faint second line? Or is that just the faint outline of where it should be if it were there? I don't remember being able to see that when I took previous tests. Maybe buying tests from the Dollar Store was not the best idea?" I kept telling myself "Negative is negative, you'll just be disappointed if you keep taking these tests." 

And so began my Thursday, a supposedly boring Thursday. But I just knew. So Isla and I ran some last minute errands which included a quick stop at Fred Meyer for a more name-brand test, ya know, just to be sure. I figured I'd buy one last fool-proof test that would report the results as either "pregnant" or "not pregnant" and put the issue to rest. After treating myself to a cup of half caff and a walk along the Kirkland waterfront, we went home so Isla could nap and I could "just make sure."

I took the test and continued my preparations to hop in the shower. I made myself not look at the test until I was sure it was finished, but only made it a minute before I couldn't bear it anymore. I glance up. Pregnant! Squealing and shrieking and exclamations of "I knew it!!" commenced and continued throughout the day. I am a more firm believer now than ever in that saying "A mother always knows." It's true. She does know.

I was SO excited! I had it all planned out in my head how I was going to tell Graham and it was going to coincide perfectly with Christmas. But then I had my first negative test and was heartbroken. I spent a good chunk of the weekend prior sobbing to Graham that my plans had been ruined. I was so disappointed.

But now, ha! I could still go with my original plan! I got to work immediately, writing little rhymes and creating a revised version of Isla's Dr Seuss book entitled "Summer."

I'd already phoned my OB to set up my first appointment but my in excitement, I'd forgotten about the main purpose of my call: to ask about the spotting. I called again and requested that the nurse call me back. I'd been spotting for 6 days now and initially thought it was my period, which led us to believe I wasn't pregnant (though I still took a test to be sure). I sort of thought the nurse would dismiss it and tell me it was likely implantation bleeding but I should have known better.

When she returned my call, deja vu set in. I'd been through this same, scary process multiple times with Isla. She wanted me to get my blood drawn immediately. She suspected my progesterone level was low which, left untreated, can result in miscarriage. She wanted me off my feet and resting until 3-4 days after the bleeding stopped. My heart sunk. Please no, not this again! The news of pregnancy is supposed to be joyful, not filled with anxiety and fear. I debated whether or not to call Graham but opted not to share the news over the phone while he was trying to finish his last 12 hour shift before Christmas vacation. Plus, I had my little plan.

When Isla awoke from her afternoon nap, I whisked her into the car for a trip to the lab. I wondered if I should have left her with a friend but wasn't sure how I'd explain my reasoning for needing a sitter without spilling the beans. Thankfully, she sat quietly in her stroller through the whole ordeal, watching as her mommy lay on the table to have what seemed like gallons of blood sucked from her arm. It baffles me why they have to take so much blood. I tried to decline some of the tests (like for the STDs) but my doctor's office said I'd have to have them later if I didn't do it now. I knew that wasn't true and that they were saying that to pressure me and this time just I gave in. This blood draw was the part of pregnancy that I was least looking forward to. It was pretty traumatic when I was pregnant with Isla and I almost passed out. Needless to say, I was dreading it. Looking back on it, I wonder why I was so worried. I distracted myself by telling the phlebotomist the whole story of how I just found out today and that my husband doesn't know yet etc etc.

The rest of the day seemed to drag by. There were moments of fear and worry and then moments where I'd jump up and down and shriek "I'm pregnant!!!!" to a confused little Isla. When Graham finally arrived home, he went upstairs to change. I'd set up a hidden video camera which I turned on as he was coming back downstairs. I told him that I'd changed my mind and I didn't want him to open all his Christmas presents on Christmas day; there was one that I wanted him to open now. We sat on the couch and I could tell he was nervous. He said he could feel my heart pounding in my chest and I thought for sure he'd figured out what was going on.

He was a bit confused when he unwrapped Isla's familiar board book but I instructed him to read it aloud to me. He told me afterward that he thought it was going to be a creative way of presenting him concert tickets for a show that was taking place in the summer months. The rhymes on the first few pages hinted at my prior pregnancy cravings: watermelon and Costco frozen yogurt. Then he turned to the page that read "Summer brings us birthdays galore. Why don't we go ahead and add one more?"

"What! When did this happen? Were you faking it the whole time?" He was referring to the week prior when I'd taken a test only to have it come up negative. I was so disappointed and shed many tears, mourning the fact that Isla and our 2nd born would now be more than 2 years apart, that my plan for how I was going to tell him would no longer work (because a pregnancy just a month later meant our baby would no longer be born in summer), wondering if there was something wrong with my thyroid that was making it take longer this time around. He had spent a good while comforting me and telling me it would all be ok. He also knew I'd been spotting all week. Now he was wondering if I'd been acting the whole time.

I told him it'd all happened today but that there were a few hiccups. I'd already called the doctor and they sent me for blood tests. "We should know the results tomorrow." With reserved excitement, we dreamt about the future as we sat in front of the Christmas tree. It was surreal!