This is one of those weeks where the heaviness of all I am managing, coordinating, taking care of feels almost too much to bear. It's not as if anything out of the ordinary happened this week (well except I suppose that I'm working half time this month instead of 1/3 time...) but it just feels overwhelming. Graham and I try our best to alternate who gets to feel overwhelmed when as it's never pretty when we both feel like we're drowning. I guess we didn't coordinate this week very well.
The funny part about all this is that when I weighed and processed all that grad school would mean for me and my family, it never crossed my mind that loneliness would be an issue. And it feels weird to even call it loneliness because in actuality, I'm rarely ever alone. It hit me especially hard tonight as I was finally able to attack the dinner mess just before 8 PM after doing all the dinner prep, feeding, picking up toys, bathing, teeth brushing, story reading and bedtime process alone for the umpteenth time. I just don't want to do it by myself anymore! I seriously do not know how single moms do it! The hours between 4 and 7:30 PM go by slower than a slug and I struggle through them every day.
So, if we're being honest, grad school and I aren't getting along so well right now. I'm ready to have my husband back! I know this post isn't pretty but it's real and I'm feeling passionate about authenticity. We are almost there. We will get there. Prayers appreciated!
keeping you in my prayers, kels. I don't know how single moms do it either and I completely agree with the hardest hours are between 4-7:30pm. I wish we lived closer...wyatt and I would come over and hang out! Know that there is an end in sight. Days are like years and years are like days. hang in there. i love you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for being honest Kelsie - we're praying for you! I often wonder what I else I could be doing to support you guys during these crazy months.
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