Doozy Days

I have a confession to make. Last night, I inhaled 2 packages of my kids' Skittles in no greater than two minutes time. And then I made chocolate chip cookie dough with no intention of ever baking it into cookies. After a few spoonfuls, I scooped some into a bowl of vanilla ice cream and devoured it and then went back AGAIN for seconds. It was not my most beautiful moment. My husband came home at 9:30 PM to find his wife in a sugar-binge-turned-stomachache, writhing on the couch in deep regret. This, my friends, is what I call stress eating.

We have had some real doozy days over here! It has gotten to the point where I find myself absolutely dreading the minutes from 3:40 PM onward. The tasks expected of me during the after school hours feel insurmountable and it's 3 against one, and the party with the majority is definitely winning. Yesterday felt pretty epic but not all that usual unfortunately. The oldest seems to have blown a fuse and her behavior has turned extremely emotional and explosive. The middle child is desperately trying to hold her own, both physically and in volume of sound. I worry about the integrity of our house because it's parts are surely being put up to the test. The baby is coy and smooth and knows just how to get all up in his sisters' hair. He is also learning lots of really cool words that no 2 year old under my roof has ever uttered, thanks to his name-calling models. I'm telling you, it feels like a mad house sometimes.

My "list" for the afternoon and evening really doesn't seem like all that much when written out:

-put away shoes, coat, backpack and lunch bag

-do homework

-make and eat dinner

-read together

-bed

Simple, right? But it is like pulling teeth, getting these 5 things happen. I told my husband yesterday that I would rather load everyone in the car and plunge our way into rush hour traffic and cruise our way around the city for 2 hours than be at home "doing life" the way it has been going down recently. And you think I'm kidding. I might actually try this next week. I feel like being under our roof during the afternoon hours is downright toxic. I'm trying so hard, you guys. But there has GOT to be a better way. I absolutely cannot sustain this. 

I know my oldest is tired. She did so well at the beginning that I thought we were in the clear but I'm sure the long hours of the school day are probably just catching up to her. I know her challenging behavior is simply an indicator of an unmet need. It's just so hard to feel like I am pulling out every ounce I've got in my reserves and attempting to pour it into her only to have her reject it or claim it isn't enough. I used to "help" her with homework remotely from the kitchen island while attempting to cook dinner. She would call me over when she had a question and I would come peek over her shoulder and answer. I was available but not present. She made it clear that this was not working for her when she one day informed me that I "was not filling her bucket." Dagger to the heart!!! She even knows all the terms to really get the mom guilt going. From that point on, I've made an intentional effort to sit right next to her while she does her homework. And now things are worse. Her homework assignment, which literally should take no more than 5 minutes has turned into a sitcom-length saga with much wailing and gnashing of teeth. The past few days, I have ended up sending her to her room multiple times each day to calm down until she is able to talk to me without whining and being disrespectful. 

It's always something. Last night she was inconsolable because her 1st grader teacher makes her hold her pencil a certain way that is different than the way her Kindergarten teacher taught her. And she likes holding it the Kindergarten way because it reminds her of Kindergarten. And if she stops doing that than she will have nothing to remind her of her beloved Kindergarten teacher... And on and on. And on. And on. I've been reading the books, y'all, so I dug real deep and showered her with a great deal of empathy. For as long as I could. We got no where. On a whim, I grabbed a napkin and drew the little cartoon pictured above, a bare bones illustration of her as the stick figure on one side of the stream and the finish line waiting for her on the other. The only way across the river is via the stepping stones. And none of them can be skipped. I told her how the first stone was the way they told her to write in Kindergarten, And now she is in first grade, they are taking what she learned and building on it and challenging her to do things she couldn't have done in Kindergarten. Well. I thought it was pretty genius. But........her homework was still sitting unfinished on the kitchen table when I got up this morning. Annnnnnnnd I stuffed my face with crap last night. So, I guess that probably tells you how it went.

Uggg. I feel at my wits end. And I only told you about a tiny 20 minute window from one afternoon this week. I spared you all the other stories of the tantrums, screaming matches and goings on with all the children that have made me feel downright twitchy and ready to lose my ever loving mind. I say all this not just to whine and complain but because I am convinced THERE HAS GOT TO BE A BETTER WAY! I am not the kind of person to give up and surrender to a this is how it is I guess mentality. I am COMMITTED to making afternoons over here better. Somehow.

Emma (or is it Emmy?) 48 Months

 This girl is her own unique ball of wax and we love her dearly! We just never know what sort of curve ball she's going to throw our way. Most recently, it was a name change. You expect those sorts of things when they're teenagers but when they are 4? Oy vey.

 Originally we'd strongly considered naming her Emmy. It was Isla's idea and we both really like it and nearly pulled the trigger but switched it up to a more traditional Emma at the last minute because "it would look better on a resume." Long story, but that's the short of it. We decided we would call her Emmy as a nickname but it just never really happened. Until two weeks ago. I went on my typical Saturday morning run and somewhere in my two hour absence, her name officially changed to Emmy. I mean, we're talking all the way down to the sign on her door. Big sis was quick to step in and make sure she know how to write a Y in place of an A and, just like that, apparently it became official. Further exploration soon revealed that daddy was the one to "change" her name. Dear Husband, I love thee. But sometimes....SOMEtimes!

Before we knew what was happening, she was correcting both family and strangers alike. And apparently teachers, which I found out when I was pulled aside quizzically by one of them who stated she was telling them all that her name wasn't Emma anymore because her "daddy changed it to Emmy." Lemme just say that was an interesting one to try and explain... I quickly forced *cough* I mean encouraged Graham to sit down and have a little chat with Emma to inform her that her name is still Emma (and that all her name tags at school are going to read Emma) but that Emmy can be a nickname if she likes it. She has mostly since forgotten and answers happily to both. Seriously. The crazy things we do as parents!

Speaking of her name, she does an excellent job of writing it ON ANY AND ALL SURFACES OF OUR HOME. It's on the back of her door (I mean, in case you forget what room you are in in the middle of the night), on her backpack (in Sharpie), on the wall and the table. When confronted on who might possibly have written her name everywhere, she's quick to tattle: "Jack!" ;)

Even if she does try to blame her trespasses on her brother, man oh man does she ever love him! The two of them play SO well together and will disappear upstairs in the late morning hours and pass the time laughing and giggling and doing who knows what. Yesterday I set them up with a spray bottle of water and a mop to "clean" the chalk dust out off the bonus room floor. They had such a blast spraying each other in the face that I could hardly stand it.  

Emma told me this month that she has a boyfriend. Isla laughed it off and said that no she didn't but Emma was quick to refute that yes she did because he was a boy and he is her friend. For a second I thought they were teenagers with how the conversation went down. Emma's "boyfriend" is super cute and they had a blast together at the pumpkin patch and apparently at school too.

I'm just DYING to know what Emma is like in the classroom setting. I literally have no idea because she's always been one to keep me on my toes. Whatever the case, I'll bet she is a riot! We have our first parent meeting next week at her preschool and I'm looking forward to hearing what they have to say about her. She can write most all of her letters now and is enjoying asking how to spell things, just like her big sis. She LOVES school and I am so grateful for that.

Other tidbits about her: 

Emma definitely is my snuggle bug

She is super tender with her little brother

And she likes to teach him all sorts of cool things like how to talk potty talk

She's taken the reigns as the early riser around here

She loves dressing up

And reading books

She knows just what buttons to push to irk her big sister

She always wants to help me in the kitchen

She loves her little buddy Leif

She's a doll and you can't help but love her

Isla 74 Months

You guys. Last month, I think for the first time in my 74 month career of motherhood, I skipped my monthly kid posts. GASP. And, as you can imagine, the perfectionist in me is having a bit of a holy freaking cow. I mean, once your track record drops below 100%, there's no way of ever redeeming it completely which is just so downright depressing that I might as well totally give up now. (Seriously, these are the sorts of crazy thoughts that run through my mind. You type A's are tracking with me, I know!)

 ANYway, I dunno. For awhile there I was thinking I would do away with my monthly posts for fear I was boring the world with far too much detail about my kids but then my heart just couldn't stand the thought of not chronicling every important milestone in their lives. These little people mean the world to me and they are so freaking cool that I just have to get back in the saddle and record their goings and doings. So here goes...

My Isla pie. Probably one of the reasons I skipped my posts last month was because I had my nose buried in a book about raising a spirited child. Isla is most certainly one of 'em and her spirit and I have had more than a few run ins on recent occasions. I'm working hard to understand her better each day and figure out what makes her tick and keeps her going.

Lately, she is an aspiring author. I love how she is just going for it and sounding out words to the best of her ability. I have to laugh because the other day she wrote me a note saying how made he was at dad because her made her wear her "tits" and she didn't want to. Tights, tits. Same difference. I have to buy reams of printer paper to keep up with the 25 page books she is constantly writing and stapling together. She plans to write both fiction and non-fiction and I think would like to drop out of school so she could pursue this endeavor. I encouraged her to clean off her desk so she could have her own private space for pumping out her novels. She has been on cloud 9 with her new set up and I have been quite pleased by the increased room cleanliness that this suggestion provided. Win, win.

Quality time is definitely one of her love languages and I think I could spend an entire day talking with her and she would still lay her head on the pillow, begging for me to come and talk some more. I'm trying really hard to savor this can't-get-enough-of-mommy period because I know it is a season and will soon fade. I'm thinking I might capitalize on her love of writing and maybe she and I could do a joint "work" date at Starbucks sometime soon where we both spend our time writing.  

In the spirit of entrepreneurship, Isla plans to sell her books here very soon and will use the earnings to fund a few of her interests. She has been saving coins for Children's Hospital for quite some time now and I need to make a point of planning a little visit over to Seattle with her to donate the contents of her piggy bank. (Hopefully the front desk accepts coins!) She also plans to give some money to church and to an orphanage and then spend the remainder on a Littlest Pet Shop toy jet she has been obsessing over for months. You gotta love her giving heart!

I got to volunteer in Isla's class for the first time this year and we had a blast. I tried super hard to be the "cool" mom and I think I succeeded because I somehow landed the role of starting and stopping the music for the Halloween party musical chairs station. She said I did awesome and that my station was her favorite. Phew. For the first time ever, I WAS ACTUALLY COOL IN SCHOOL. Now I can die happy. She was so excited to have me and I know a 6 year old's affirmation probably shouldn't carry so much weight but I'm telling you, IT DOES! 

I can tell my little extrovert does need a little time to herself in the hours after school. We are struggling with the witching hours tremendously and I'm hoping less screaming is in our future. I just read an awesome book entitled Siblings Without Rivalry and I'm really hopeful we can nip the intense rivalry between her and her sister in the bud here fast. Also, we need to find some quick solutions for making the helping-with-homework sessions go better. Let's just say these moments have confirmed for me all the more that I was not intended to homeschool her.   

And a few more tidbits:

She's about to lose her first tooth

She plans to have the tooth fairy come live with us after

She's super sensitive to loud noises

She can tie her own shoes now

She makes friends very easily

Her biggest fear is the car drop off at school 

She is convinced the school keeps moving the double doors she is supposed to go through

She's an awesome helper and party planner

She is super responsible and we love her a lot

Happy Halloween (an Ode to our Dentist)

Happy Halloween from the Crozier Clan! The past couple weeks have been packed with trips to the pumpkin patch, sewing projects, class parties, orange and black foods and lots of dressing up and pretending we are someone other than ourselves. Mama had a bit of fun this year with themed costumes for the trio. It was never my intent but I must have felt a subconscious need to butter up to the dentist this year. Isla is on the verge of losing her very first tooth and so has developed a tooth fairy obsession. When she announced that she was going to dress up as such for Halloween, I set to work figuring out how we would distinguish her from just any old fairy. Thanks to Pinterest, voila! Costume ideas for the other two were born. 

 

Jack wouldn't even let his tooth costume touch him until 10 seconds before we headed out trick or treating but when I bribed him with candy and getting to ring people's doorbells, he conceded. (Third kid = occasional food bribe. Even for dietitians. Do as I say, not as I do!)

As tradition would have it, it was POURING down rain on Halloween and Graham and his dad were busy working on our front porch so the kids and I drove each other crazy, err, I mean ran errands wearing all sorts of fun clothing combinations from the dress up bin. Which really isn't that abnormal for us except we didn't get as many weird looks since it was Halloween after all and "special" outfits were expected. 

Of course our evening plans included my annual Black and Orange Dinner which is always such a blast to put together. We opted to make it a party with friends and the kids were super excited. After 20 minutes before our guests were slated to arrive, the kids realized WE NEVER CARVED OUR PUMPKINS!!!

Oops. I sort of "forgot" and didn't realize it was so important to the tribe. I was busy getting food ready and the obvious response to their insanely messy request was a big fat no. Except I heard the word "yes" slip from the Mr's mouth. Which is another one of the hundreds of reasons why I married him. He's helping me become a yes parent when NO seems like the logical answer.

 And sure enough, the pumpkins were carved and the mess cleaned up before any of the company arrived. 

 And our kids were so happy.

 I mean, just look at 'em! 

 The rest of our evening was so much fun. The menu included orange carrots, orange peppers, black chips, orange mango salsa, black olives, black raisins, and Cuban Rice Bowls (black rice, orange sweet potatoes, black beans, orange cheddar cheese, "black" meat), roasted orange carrots and golden beets and Orange Basil Mojitos.

 I'm pretty sure the 8 kiddos present only ate chips and candy but the evening was a blast! We closed it out with trick or treating in our awesome neighborhood as the adults attempted the "herding" approach to keep all the kids somewhat "together." The highlight for the 4 two-year-olds was definitely ringing the doorbells and it certainly didn't matter whether the door was open or closed - each on rang that bell anyways. 

On Being Spirited

This post goes out to all my fellow Mama Bears!

I've been introduced to some new parenting verbage this week. The term is "spirited" and I think it will henceforth be making regular appearances in our conversations around here. I know I've been focusing a lot of my eldest on the blog as of late and I'm not sure which is most true in our situation - that the squeakiest wheel gets the grease or that, just as a wise soul once told me, you spend the majority of your parental "worry allotment" on your firstborn. Whichever the case, the pile of books on my bedside table right now are all dedicated to this one. Oy vey.

I love this girl with all my heart AND it just so happens that the last couple weeks with her have been particularly challenging. She is an amazing, intelligent, sensitive, strong and caring person and I love her fiercely. She is a lot like her mama which means there is a good chance she is going to find herself hurt and misunderstood more times than I'd care to admit OR just end up driving those around her batty. Now more than ever, I've felt my Mama Bear urges bubbling, pushing me to figure out more deeply what makes this girl tick, what makes her thrive, and how I can best help her put her strengths to their best use. 

So enter this new-to-me term "spirited." According to Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, author of the book Raising Your Spirited Child, which I read in it's entirety in ONE WEEKS TIME (and I wasn't even on vacation!!!!), a spirited child is essentially a child who is more. She writes "They are normal children who are more intense, persistent, sensitive, perceptive, and uncomfortable with change than other children." This, I'm realizing, is a strikingly accurate description of my eldest. Now that I mention it, my parents are probably sitting on the edge of their seats right now as they read this, experiencing that odd sensation of deja vu. I'm pretty sure they would be the first to tell you that this "spirited" thing sounds like an all too familiar depiction of their second born (yours truly). I guess as the saying goes, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

The funny thing about all this is that it comes as somewhat of a surprise to me. Why, I'm not quite sure. My parents can credit me would 75% of the book titles on their parenting book shelves, I'm sure. That's right folks, The Strong-Willed Child title on their nightstand was not for my sister. My husband would even tell you that, when he asked for my hand in marriage, my dad made sure he fully knew what he was signing up and that he was truly up for the challenge. My father shared stories from my childhood, highlighting my nature and strong tendencies such as how I used to go on hikes with both of my arms outstretched, blocking any others from passing and ensuring I would "win" and make it to our destination first. If that's not spirit, I'm not sure what is. Thankfully, I'd already aired my cards in our dating relationship and these stories did not cause my to-be husband to run.

So you would think I'd know, being a spirited myself, how to handle my own spirited child. Nope. Not to say the least. In some cases, I think it causes us to be even more abrasive with one another, fighting intensely, both in seek of control. This book was really good for me and my parenting but, as leafed through it, I found myself laughing aloud at times, all the while, thinking there were a lot of great suggestions in there that Graham could try out on me...like put in me in a soothing bath when I'm flipping out for instance. :)

But in all seriousness, this "spirit" can be oh so very frustrating and even anger-inducing at times for parents (and I'm sure for spouses too - ha). But, the take-home message for me that I've been contemplating this week is that spirited kids are some of the most amazing and passionate of souls who need to be shepherded especially well in their childhood years, as they learn about the world around them and how they fit in. The collective "we" can be so quick to label these precious kiddos as loud or bossy or argumentative or easily frustrated. These labels are so damaging and I loved how the book encourages readers to reframe these titles into positives: instead of loud, tell your child they are zestful and enthusiastic. Instead of argumentative, replace it with opinionated and strongly committed to ones goals. Similarly, stubborn turns into assertive and willing to persist in the face of difficulty and whiny becomes analytical. These kids need to know their gifts. Trust me. And they need help maneuvering their big emotions and may require a little (ok a LOT of) patience in the process. (Hello personal pep talk...)

I just loved this this quote at the end of the book and I found myself choking back tears as I read:

"Love your spirited child for who she is. Let her make you laugh. Let her share with you how she sees, hears, and experiences the things around her. Allow her to enrich your life. Because she is more, she will make you more. Spirited kids are like roses in my garden. They need more attention. Throw a little water on the other flowers and they grow. Not the rose, it needs special treatment. It has to be pruned and guided in its growth. Other flowers can be plucked, pulled and mauled by a preschooler and still last for weeks on your dining room table. If you treat a rose roughly it will wilt in your hands or stab you, make you bleed."

Wow. So with that, good luck to you fellow mamas of spirited kids! Hang in there! Your kids are born with great gifts and are deeply loved and valued by God. I'm scared to death every day that I'm going to screw mine up but let's keep plugging. You are doing so much better than you give yourself credit for. 

Happy Birthday, Baby Jack

To my darling Jack,

I know you really aren't a baby anymore, but I'll never accept it. I captured this shot of you this morning, gazing up at your birthday balloon. I promise I'll buy you a balloon every year of your life if it makes you this happy. I adore you, child. Our bond is something else.

God sure knew what He was doing when he gave you to our family. Yes of course Daddy secretly hoped for another man to join his clan, but, oh my, mommy was the one who was really in for a treat. I don't know what you've done to me kid, but you've got me wrapped around your little finger for sure. I never knew how much I needed a son until I met you! The past few years have been rough on me but you've been my buddy keeping me company though it all. I can't quite put it to words but you came at the tail end of a hard season for our family and you have been like our beam of sunshine. It seems whenever I feel the clouds of life setting in, I'll find you walking at my side and asking for my hand or running over for a snuggle. It's simply the best. I've said it before but I will say it again: I would change your middle name to something that means Joy if I could.

You are getting so big and adventurous! Not a day goes by that I don't have to change your socks because you've escaped shoe-less outside into our swamp of a yard. I love our neighbors because so far, they've always returned you to us. You are always pushing chairs around the house to get access to thing just a smidge higher like the microwave or the kitchen drawers. You love babies and push toys and buses and boots and the color blue and trains and trucks and planes and your binky and all of your family but particularly your grandpas. You play very well on your own but if things get too quiet, I can pretty much guarantee I will find you upstairs with a binky in your mouth and your crib pushed across the room so you could retrieve it.

You are our cheerful little charmer for sure. You wake up singing in the morning and then you WANT to go down for your nap in the afternoon. I mean, what more could we ask for, really? You've entered this new phase where you answer "Mmm-kay" whenever we ask you to do something or summarize how something is going to go down. It melts me every time. I love watching you in the midst of other kids. If they are screaming, so are you. If they are laughing, you are too. Typically you have no idea what is going on but it's never stopped you. You can run and scream with the best of 'em.

Today, on your 2nd birthday, I want you to know how incredibly loved that you are. I pray that you would grow to know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior and that you would serve Him always. I pray that you would continue to bring joy to many just by being you and that you would grow up to serve your family well. You are such a gift to us and we love you so much!

Happy Birthday Jack Attack!

Love,
Mom

Isla, the Extrovert

I had the most amazing aha moment last week. Any of you who know my sweet Isla Pie are probably going to totally laugh at me. My husband sure did. He couldn't believe it took me this long to realize that MY ELDEST IS AN EXTROVERT. Say WHAT?!? I know. Mind. Blown. 

No seriously. I had like no idea. Maybe I just thought is was too early to make the call. Or maybe it was that she and I are similar in so many ways that it never crossed my mind that we could have this vastly opposite personality trait. But when it finally dawned on me, it made so much sense. I was almost giddy with relief as the pieces clicked together in my head. Thoughts like OH MY GOSH I GET IT NOW run through mind every 3 seconds or so since this life-altering revelation.

I adore this child. Like really adore her. She's the sweetest and most thoughtful human who has ever walked the planet. You have Christmas wishes? Send her your list. She will do everything in her power to gather her pennies to buy every last item you requested. She is always wanting to sell things. Anybody's things, just to make a dime. And you can bet your bottom dollar she'll drag me curbside along with her to sell her wares. The other day she said told me she wanted to be a runner. Feeling a great sense of pride in passing on such a lovely and healthy aspiration along to my child, I told her that was a great idea. Then she proceeded to ask me how she could earn money by running. Ha. 

Anyway, she's amazing is so many ways and definitely the kind of friend you dream of your kid having. She started 1st grade this year which means full days every day all year long. I was bracing myself for the post-school, I've-been-around-too-many-people-all-day overstimulated meltdowns. To my surprise though, she typically bolts from her classroom, attempting to spot a couple last friends she can yell goodbye to and then arrives home cheerfully asking "Who can we invite over now!?" I, on the other hand am TOTALLY WIPED that I think I might die after having just spent a whole 9 minutes smiling and attempting small talk with acquaintances and fellow parents in the schoolyard (read: checking my phone and pretending to be, very, very busy). I mean, it's so exhausting. And she wants MORE PEOPLE? 

I love her so much but sometimes, she drains me dry. That feels so terrible to say. Which is why I have spent a lot of time feeling like a fairly horrible person for finding my child so thoroughly exhausting. But my aha moment last week is beginning to liberate me. Or at least help me understand the reasoning behind my feelings so I can move forward. I owe all the credit to the amazing book I just finished: For the Love by Jen Hatmaker. If you are breathing and are a female, GET IT. My dear friend gave it to me as a thank you gift for her baby shower (how cool is that - I got a gift for throwing a party!) and it. is. awesome. I finished it almost immediately and plan to start right back over at the beginning and read it again. It's the perfect read for us fear-filled, doubting, second-guessing women and mamas who need a heavy dose of GRACE to realize we really are doing ok.

Anyway, in one of the chapters, Jen talks about how incredibly helpful it can be to identify whether our children are introverts or extroverts so we can adjust our parenting. She, like me, is an introvert and so finds it rather easy to relate to her introverted kids. But she writes "I sometimes struggle parenting my extroverts, because their constant interaction and movement is so encompassing. We recharge differently - they need more of everything and I need less of everything. This personality gap can be so defeating, because I feel like not enough and make my kids feels like too much. When I lock down from NCF (Needy Child Fatigue), we all lose." She explains further that "No mother should cater to an extroverted kid 24/7, but no child should feel like a burden." Wow. HELLO! This hit home.

She talks about the need for us introverts to meet somewhere in the middle with our extroverts. "The sensory seekers can learn restraint, and the overstimulated mama can dig deeper." She writes "It also helped to explain my introverted side to the kids. Although my live-wire children don't share my non-talky book-reading needs, as with anything, they can better respect what they understand. It is good to say: This isn't anything you do wrong at all. It's just the way Mom fills back up." 

Gulp. I couldn't have said it better and I plan to have that last part tattooed across my forehead or at least written on the wall across her doorway. I want Isla (and any of my children with extroverted tendencies) to remember it isn't them when they see me walking backwards toward my bedroom haven with an overwhelmed-looking expression a book in hand. I have a steep learning curve ahead, figuring how to meet in the middle with my extrovert, but I'm SO GRATEFUL for this aha, life changing realization.

o